Tuesday Was A Lovely Day

Left Open Door Leads to----

Mr. Black's Visit

I got behind in my posting. The good news is, on Tuesday, I had fun! My husband had fun! We both had fun! I gave myself permission to work on a fun ( know I am over using the word fun but I am liking the sound of it!)  project in honor of the birth of my dear friend Suzanne's grandson, Ezra's birth. I completed a paper bag book for him and one for another soon to be born grandson named Luke. I do not have pictures of these books yet but I hope to take some today to post. I am very happy with the way they turned out. 

Randy had fun as it was warm enough and sunny enough for him to go to the golf course at SilverCreek and practice his golf with his spanking new set of irons. This also meant I had alone time in the house!! Smile. 

Well, most of the afternoon I was alone. We have still had a fire in the fireplace continuously as the insert heats our house. I was in charge of adding logs while Randy was gone. Remember I told you it was sunny and sort of warm. Well, seems I left the door open when I went to the porch to get some logs. I went back upstairs to my studio to work. About thirty minutes later I got a scare, just because I was not expecting it. I heard a meow on the steps coming up to the upstairs. I turned around , looked, and there was a neighborhood cat we call Mr. Black. You can see why from the picture. This cat is the friendliest cat I have ever seen in my life. He loves to visit and he demands attention. He, however, does not really want to pose for a picture so my pictures do not show him off very well. Anyway, he visited for a while and left again when I went to get more logs. We wish we could figure out where he actually lives full time. He is fat and well taken care of so we know he has a home.

Chandler was with his mommy Ria on Tuesday night so Randy and I went to Showlow to the Native New Yorker to eat fried chicken wings and homemade potato chips. Just delicious. A little television and then checked emails just before going to bed. Well, I thought I was going to bed. Now, I did say I had a nice day. It is night time now.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Had an email about one of my March deliveries. I do monthly gift packaging for referral deliveries for some absolutely wonderful people. One of my products for March was Pretzels and Root Beer. The custom tag saying was Pretzels and Root Beer for Some Fun Irish Cheer.  The pretzels were in a tub. I had purchased 85 of these tubs of pretzels about three weeks ago at Wall-mart. They were on a large display at the front of the store. I wasn't even there to purchase product. I saw the tubs of pretzels though and knew they were perfect for the delivery. WRONG, as it turns out. I never thought to check the expiration date. I knew they had not been featured for long as I do frequent Wall-mart quite often. I assumed they were current product. I certainly learned a lesson. Seems someone who had received a delivery of the product noticed the expiration date on the tub of pretzels had the date of 2005!!!!!!!! I was just mortified. So, needless to say, I was distressed all night and during the day yesterday. During the last few years of my life I have learned more about being human and that I am going to make mistakes. What I mean to say is I have learned to be less hard on myself. I give others breaks I need to give myself. I grew up in a home that mistakes were considered big time failures. This has been a very hard thing for me to overcome. This mistake with the pretzels has been a difficult one for me because it affected other people. When I make deliveries I want the product to be the best it can be, in order to serve my clients well. Thanks to a dear friend named Janice, I have done the best I can do with the situation. I had her purchase more pretzels and came up with an alternate way to have the tag presented. Luckily, the tag with the customers name is salvageable so I am having it taken off and tied on to the handle of the root beer carton. I also emailed the other client that I delivered this product to and asked her to check the expiration dates and am in the process of trying to correct this product for her, as well. I did not hear from her yesterday so I am still dealing with this issue. It is times like this during my business that give me doubt and I wonder if I should be doing this at all. I love creating the ideas for the packaging though. I love the people I create for and it gives me my mad money to spend on all the paper products and vintage buttons and so forth and so on. As so often, right now in my life, I am repeating to myself, I am doing the best that I can. I am not perfect and I will make mistakes. I just have to try to make amends for the mistakes and move on.  

Alright- next- 

Had parent teacher conference  yesterday afternoon with Chandler's teacher. Grandy and I were glad to hear Chandler is doing well. He can do better and needs to work on slowing down because he gets in a hurry and makes careless mistakes or only answers one question when there are two. The teacher says there is no reason he could not have all his subjects be A's. Mr. Adams says Chandler is a delightful child and he enjoys being around him very much. After reporting back to Chandler every word of the conversation we were pleased to hear him tell us there would be a new student in school tomorrow, which is now today. We will see if he can follow through and stay focused. 

The rest of the afternoon and evening we made huge peanut butter/white chocolate chip cookies for his classroom reward party and Grandy helped him with fractions. We watched American Idol and I was glad to see the three I voted for stayed for another week. I was sorry to see ( can't spell his name) the guy leave that did not get voted through. I wish him well.

I am not sure if Amber even went to the Drs. appointment yesterday. She threatened not to go to Maria. She did not call me to see how Chandler's conference went. Left a message for her to call me today. Chandler gets out of school early today due to parent teacher conferences. Amber is to pick him up. Today is her day to have him. He knows to call us if for some reason she is not there to get him. We try to keep Randy's cell within ringing distance at all times. 

I was up till 12:30 last night and up at 5:30 so I am tuckered. Five hours is not enough sleep for one that requires so much sleep! Luckily my husband is retired and we plan to go back to bed in a few minutes for some more shut eye. This afternoon I will be working on the packaging for May presentation for delivery. It is really cute as is April's. I will also be taking pictures of these to share. 

Oh, lastly, I heard from Susi, Thom's sister about the skirt and top I sent her. She was thrilled with it. It arrived safe and sound. I made someone happy---a favorite feeling to have!

 

Grateful

Chandler With His Ship Drawing.

Chandler brought this home today. Project from Language Arts. I placed it on the refrigerator. I decided it might be nice to post a picture of it today. When he saw me get the camera and go over to take a picture of it he immediately got it off the fridge and proudly held it in front of him for me to snap the picture. Sweet- the picture and the artist! 

Today I mentioned I wanted to learn how to text. Chandler told me he could teach me in less than five minutes. I told him I would like to text his mom about taking her to the Dr. He told me he thought I should call her. I explained to him I had talked to her a few days earlier wanting to know when her appointment was so I could take her and she told me she would check her calendar and call me back. She had not called so I thought it might be best if I just sent her a text. He again requested I call. So, call I did. She told me she had decided against chemo. She was going to go with the alternative treatment. If the alternative treatment was not showing signs of fighting the cancer she could then resort to chemo. She told me her appointment was this Wednesday at 3:30. This Wednesday, at 3:30, is the exact same time as Chandler's parent teacher conference. I told her I would have her dad attend the conference so I could drive her to Flagstaff. She declined. She said I could take her the next time. There is more but for now I will leave it at this. The very insightful part is what I will write about next.

Chandler and I were at the refrigerator getting cookie dough out to make the cookie dessert. I must have sounded sad because Chandler asked me why I was depressed. I told him I was fine ( and truthfully, at that moment I was ) Told him I was not sad at all. I had my two boys with me ----"What more could a girl want", I asked. He looked up at me and said,"Your daughter". I told him he was exactly right but that was not going to happen right now and that I was so grateful to have him and Grandy. And I am--GRATEFUL!

Begging

Awoke to a new dusting of snow on this new morning. The tiniest of snow flakes are falling. I think it is due to clear out of here soon. The previous snow had just begun to be completely gone. This past week the weather was so warm there was the definite thought that spring was coming and coming fast. Then in the blink of an eye it changes direction

Stayed up late last night as you can see from last night's post. When I went to bed I thought I was fine but the minute my head hit the pillow the tears started flowing. Got myself up, went potty and used my potty time as a boo hooing time. Wiped my eyes and off to bed to try again. Was more successful this time. I don't know what it is. The first few minutes of lying in the bed at night seem to be my hardest. I love to sleep. Anyone that knows me , shoot, anyone that has had an hour conversation with me probably knows naps are one of my favorite things. Smile. When I lay down in the day time I am alright. I feel like a kid again----scared of the dark. The dark somehow represents the evil, the unknown, the scary. From my earliest memories of counseling when I was married to Bill I was exposed to the idea of confronting the worst thing that could happen. In those days I was not doing this--the message was for Bill. Or so I thought. In those days I had never even heard the words codependent uttered. The first signs of Bill's illness started even before we were married. I went on a date with him. We started out going to a K-Mart. He had an eight track tape player in the car and he wanted to buy a new tape for it. After purchasing the tape and we were back in the car he put it in the player.  It played for a song or two while we were in the parking lot. He decided he did not like it. He wanted me to take it back in the store to return it. I refused. He got mad. He insisted I do it. I stood my ground. Told him he had bought it , he needed to return it. He took me home right then and there. End of date. It was a Saturday night. The next morning I was sure he would apologize to me when I saw him in Sunday School. Nope. wrong because he didn't show up at Sunday School class. After church what did I do? I called him. Yep, I called him. Why would I do that? Why would I stick to my guns about something so fervently and then abuse myself. I think I ended up ( not sure begging is the right word here but I think it is ) begging him to just let everything be alright. Boy, it was hard to write that last sentence. Begging someone who had wanted me to fix his mistake for being mad at me for not fixing it.  Begging to someone else didn't work then and it won't work now. I am begging myself to remember this lesson. There are so many times lately I just want to call Amber and beg her to let everything be alright. The difference now is as soon as the thought comes, the truth quickly follows. Again,  begging someone else to make my life be alright won't work. It will not make her be who I want her to be. Let me write that sentence again. It will not make her be who I want her to be. It will also not make the cancer go away. I am begging myself to remember this. I can call her and ask to go with her to the Doctor. I can call and let her know we are willing to take care of Chandler. I can call and tell her I am willing to give her what little emotional support I have to give but I am not willing to abuse myself.

If Only It Was That Easy

Friday I briefly spoke to Amber. I asked her about her next Doctor's  appointment. She told me she would have to check her calendar. Said it was sometime this week. I told her I wanted to go with her. She said she needed to call me back. She didn't feel like talking. She never called back.

I am going to parent teacher conference for Chandler on Wed. When I picked him up from school on Thursday he asked me if I thought I could go to his parent teacher conference. I told him of course. Later he said he thought Ria should go. We tried to work it out for her to go but the teacher's time that was available was not where she could attend. I am thinking I need to call Amber and ask her if she wants to go with me. I also need to ask again about her Doctors appointment. Funny how uncomfortable calling my daughter is. I am often thinking about how bizarre these past few months have been and how different our family is now. I wonder how it all happened. I guess there were signs but hindsight is always better. 

Chandler called Grandy tonight. He wanted to know if Grandy would help him build a robot. He said since Grandy was an engineer he thought he would know how to build one. If only it was that easy. If only being a mom really did qualify you for being able to do it all and do it all right. If only it was that easy.

Handling Things

Another day has past-

Some happy thoughts-

Some sad-

Phillip is spending the night again tonight- I just realized Phillip's dad is eleven years older than my husband and seven years older than me. That means that Phillip's dad was fifty seven years old when Phillip was born. I can't imagine!  We are grandparents and Phillip's dad is the dad.

Like yesterday's post-- lots of different things going on here on earth--tells me there are lots of different people in the world. I also imagine we all handle life situations very differently. The thing that is the same is we all handle them, in one way or another.

Crying and Smiling

I thought of Amber today and I cried.

I heard Chandler singing in the shower today and I smiled.

Life is filled with both.

Homemade Chicken Noodle Soup

Chandler lies asleep upstairs. It is not our normal day to have him. He usually stays with us on Mondays and Wednesdays during the week. We have him on the weekends some. Thursdays he is usually with his Mommy Amber. She was not feeling well and asked if we could have him. It seemed odd to see a call from her. For the last few months these have been far and in-between. We have only been speaking if absolutely necessary. The necessary part usually involved arrangements for Chandler. Chandler is spending the weekend with us also. His best  friend is coming home from school with him tomorrow night and staying over. I am grateful he has a best friend.

I emailed some of my dear friends of this latest development with my only child. Each response was interesting in that each depicted it's owner's unique personality. It is nice to have such variety in the world. It is nice to have such friends.

Chicken Noodle Soup--I dropped off homemade chicken noodle soup to Amber. 

Seems a little funny to me that soup is a way of telling someone I care. She has always loved my homemade chicken noodle soup. I hope the cancer hates it.