Missing In Action

I just looked at the date and it appears it has been a week since I have posted. It seems I have been missing in action. NOW---there is the true word---action. It isn't that nothing has been happening. Unfortunately this is not the case. I know this all sounds like a tease and I truly do not mean for it to. I just am sort of in a quandary, at the moment, about what to post. I am taking a break until I can figure some things out and deal with some issues with people in my life that I know have friends and loved ones that read my posts. It has been a rough week for me and it is one of those times I wish I was Missing----hum, back to the beach???? I wish-----Maybe in my dreams tonight--- hope your dreams are happy ones and thanks for checking in on me. I do love your thoughts.

I Get By With A LIttle Help From My Friends and My Counselor

Two steps forward and one step back---at least it means I am still moving forward.

Counseling on Friday was very helpful, as usual. This time around the block with Amber's choices of destruction has been much more difficult than the teenage years. When she was young there was just her. Now there is this grandchild and his other mother. Much more complex and complicated. Randy and I have not always been on the same page in how to handle situations. I think you might have gathered this from time to time --- what with the anniversary flowers being left in the sink. Well.... not that things are totally solved ( are they ever?! Smile )but I do get by with a little help from my friends and this time in particular from my counselor.

It is amazing what an other's trained in site can show one and also amazing what a little praise can do for one's attitude and getting things into perspective. Our life is indeed complex with what is involved. And yes, it has been very difficult with choices being made for Randy to stay true to himself and for me to stay true to myself and stay true to our union as husband and wife. At the end of our session, our dear counselor quietly told us we were to be commended for always in the past doing everything in our power to get it right and going above and beyond the call of duty in dealing with our issues. He reminded us of this and brought my focus back to the center of where it needed to be. Yes, it takes compromises on my part and yes, compromises on my husband's part but it does feel good to know we are both committed to each other and OUR relationship. 

If you are in the Phoenix, AZ area, his name is Gordon Cuddeby and I highly recommend him. 

The above was the two steps forward.

On Friday afternoon, as we were heading to the show when Maria called to let us know she had gotten a call from the clerk at the court. The clerk had heard over the police radio that Amber had been picked up in Showlow. Showlow and Pinetop are towns that are side by side. Showlow was the place the DUI took place. Since it is the weekend, there are no other details to be had.

The below is my one step backwards.

While I was in Florida, at some point, I had a message from Maria telling me she had a question. There was not an indication or an urgency in her voice that this question was pressing.

Upon returning home Randy told me Maria was having a garage sale to sell some of the large items belonging to Amber which were in the garage. It seems the 60 days had expired for Amber to get her things so all of Amber's things now belong to Maria. Some time ago Maria had told me she was not going to immediately sell Amber's things. When I left town I did not know the plan had changed. Randy and Elaine, Maria's mother, told me Maria needed my help in pricing some of the things that were vintage items for a future garage sale. When we got out of the show I called her and left her a message saying I would help her with this when I returned.

Saturday morning Maria called concerning some of Amber's things wanting to know how to price them. People were there waiting for prices. The things she called about were not the large items that Randy had been told were being sold. They were smalls and things I had not been given a chance to go through and decide what I would want to keep myself or give my friends the opportunity to buy before they were sold in a yard sale to the general public. I have been the strongest link, of the family group, when dealing with Amber and making her be responsible for her actions. This in no way however makes it easy for me to have her life items---many of which were bought for her by me---sold before I could be involved. Randy told me again he had thought it was only big items that Maria knew we did not want that was being sold yesterday. I shared my hurt with Maria yesterday morning on the phone and she told me she had to go. I in no way think Maria would be hurtful to me on purpose. I do however think it was insensitive to take this course of action before I returned. I am hoping to take another two steps forward soon. This path is slow moving as stones tend to get thrown along the path. Gratefully I know they are nothing that can not be stepped over-

As I said earlier-- I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends and My Counselor

Amber Reared Her Ugly Head Again

On Tuesday of this week Amber reared her ugly head again. 

Her head used to be so beautiful or was it just an illusion?

Anyway, out of nowhere she texted Maria she was leaving the state and she was taking Chandler with her.

Maria texted her back telling her she was not taking Chandler because Maria had custody now and there were warrants out for Amber's arrest.

As I understand it, Amber replied warrants did not go across state lines and she had not been served with papers about Chandler.

We have been informed warrants do cross state lines.

Maria called the school and put them on alert and then called the detective. After school police were sent to the school to make sure Chandler got on the bus safely and to be there to arrest Amber if she showed up.

Grandy picked Chandler up at the bus stop in our neighborhood. He has a little walk to our house. Grandy normally only picks him up when it is raining. The weather was beautiful that day. Chandler asked Grandy why he came to pick him up. After Grandy explained what was going on Chandler once again amazed us with this comment. I am not putting it in quotes as I am not positive of his exact words. Well, the tables are turned around this time because we can call the police on her!

To my knowledge Amber has since not been heard from.

Grandy is on his way to the valley as I type this. We have an appointment with Gordon, our counselor, at ten this morning.

I constantly recommend counseling so it is important that I take my own advice. It always amazes me that most of us will go to the Dr. if we have a physical ailment but we choose not to seek help for the mental ailments. It is my opinion the mental is closely linked to the physical. Well, anyway, going for a booster shot today. 

I am well rested now and feeling better. I worked on the last of my September packaging yesterday and will spend the weekend working on October packaging. 

I turned the television on last night for the first time since I left town to go to TN. I wanted to watch it while I ate my very greasy chips with cheese and guacamole from a favorite Mexican fast food place. It wouldn't come on. I was getting frustrated to no end so I just ate my chips and looked at a publication.Later I called Grandy to get directions to operate it. Used to be there was a power button one pushed and the television was on. Not now though, Oh my, what it takes just to turn on the television.It has been glorious not to have it on for so long. Don't know what it is with women and men but from my observation most men would be quite lost without the television and women, for the most part, would do just fine. 

I guess I better go change my head by putting my face on with base, blush, powder, eye shadow, etc. Wish I could apply some of this makeup to Amber's face and make her beautiful again. Problem is, there is that mental thing. Do you remember the saying, beauty is only skin deep? I think our mom's knew what they were talking about. 

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Do you recognize the shade topper? It is a vintage crocheted collar for a blouse or dress. Am loving it on the lamp shade. This idea came from my friend Bonnie, who gave me two of these beauties for my birthday.

Going Home

I’m on the airplane flying to Denver. From Denver I will go home to Phoenix. I would love to say I am rested and renewed. I know all to well, however, this is not the case. Not because my friends were not supportive. They were more than that actually. Suzanne always is and as I learned from this time with Scottye, she too is a friend to appreciate. The truth is I am better than when I arrived but as I said good bye to Suzanne, at the airport, an overwhelming sense of sorrow washed over my body. Tears welled in my eyes and try as I may to squelch them, as I type this, they are still about to brim over and embarrass me. I have all kinds of precious pictures of the three of us on our beach excursion. We each created books to hold these pictures depicting our joyous times. Joyous most of the time was. Laughter was more often than not in the air. I did not realize I was still in such a fragile state.  Over two weeks ago I did not want to go to TN but I did not want to stay in AZ either. I just simply wanted to curl up, all by myself, and be... just be... all alone... no one to answer to, no one to converse with, no one to explain myself to, no one with which to have to share my thoughts. I do not feel this way often. I am not worried about myself so you should not worry about me either. I am just accepting my emotions and writing them down to confirm they exist and also knowing they will be gone again. You see, this is one thing of which I am sure. It is comforting to know this. It is peaceful albeit painful to understand this is MY journey and I am most certainly the only person I am capable of changing--- not my husband, not my daughter, not my friends, not my enemies ( those would be the women at the beach that flipped me off or gave me dirty looks because they did not like my driving ) -- no one but myself. Oh how much easier it would be if I could just change others. Smile. How much easier it would be if I could just make everyone else be who I want them to be. But, as a human, if I had this capability, wouldn’t others also be able to change me? I wonder how each person in my life would choose to change me. I wonder if they would change me in the way I would want to change them. You see, we all want something to be different. Life would be so much easier if we did not have expectations. It is a struggle not to have expectations--of others or ourselves. Luckily, I am far enough down this life path to have learned flipping someone off changes nothing ---- however----sometimes----yes, sometimes, it sure feels good! So, here is to the woman that flipped me off, here’s to my tears and here’s to the laughter that is yet to come.

Beach Friday

Just spent about three hours this morning at the beach. I awoke at six and stayed up. I quickly gathered a cup of coffee, quilt, some cheese it crackers, a new book and off I headed. I had most of the beach to myself. It was lovely. I needed the walk and I needed the ocean. Have not had enough beach time and it was a lovely time.

Yesterday we stayed home and played on the computer. Both Scottye and Suzanne are writers or rather should be so I spent the day getting them set up with blogs ---- Not wonderfully designed ones,but blogs none the less. I am hoping to be the encouraging factor which releases all they have to say to the world. You can read Scottye's first post here. If you like it would you please leave her a comment?  I know how pleasing it is to receive comments. Once Suzanne posts I will link to her as well. We have a little more work to do on her site today.

I am now on the porch with my second cup of coffee. Suzanne was heading out to the beach as I came home. Scottye is still in bed or her room enjoying some quiet time. Today we plan to buy a memory stick so we can get our pictures of the trip printed and complete our beach books we have been creating. 

Chandler is doing well so far in school and Randy has been working on finishing the trim on our deck. He told me it rained almost all day yesterday in Pinetop and it was actually 50 degrees at one point! Yikes, unreal to me.

I do hope each of you has a sense of the ocean air and the sand between your toes, if it is only in your imagination. I know of nothing more healing. Kind Hugs, CeCe

Wordless Wednesday Posted on Thursday So That Must Mean I Can Use Words

Scottye and Jerry

Thom and Suzanne

I just posted these pictures as Wordless Wednesday and saw the date to actually be Thursday!

This must mean I am relaxed.

So, since it is actually not Wordless Wednesday I have added some words to the post!

My girlfriends had their husbands in town for the weekend and had their pictures made with them. Since mine was back in AZ holding down the fort I had my picture made with my cell phone!