Second Post of the Day

This is my second post today and to keep up I should be adding to this post or posting a third time but I need and want a break. Sooooooo--- I am taking one! I will continue this story at a future sitting.

Saturday night around 8:30 Maria called us. She called to say she had received a text message from Amber asking where Chandler was. She said she was picking him up the next day.By court order Amber is not to contact Maria.

Around the same time Amber started calling Chandler, on his phone, demanding that he give the phone to Maria, as she wanted to talk to Maria. Trying to make the situation as easy as possible, on Chandler, Maria took the phone. It is my understanding Amber told Maria she wanted Maria to move back into the house so Maria could secure the house. Amber told Maria she wanted to make things right and she would get the house returned to the condition it was in prior to the painting. I am not sure about the conversation from there except that Amber continued to contact Chandler incessantly until,on his own, he turned off his phone. 

Fast forward to Sunday morning. Due to the conversation with Amber the night before, Maria hired someone to go to the house and change the locks. She came by to drop off Chandler as she and her friend were going to the house to start the process of sweeping it out, cleaning out the refrigerator, etc.

Sometime during the morning we received a phone message from Amber. She indicated she was told by Maria she would need to talk to us. We assumed it was in regards to her being paid the $2,500 for vacating the property. We chose to ignore the call as we had no desire to talk to her.

 

In the afternoon, Grandy and Chandler went to buy stuff for their fishing trip, in the new boat, that was planned for this morning. They were also going to hit golf balls. I received a message from Amber. She had apparently been to the house and found the locks changed. The message was in the tone of the writing on the walls and told us we had ten minutes to return her call or she would send the police to Maria's house and ours to retrieve Chandler. I immediately called Grandy to tell him about the message. Grandy called Maria and told her he was going to call Amber. In about 30 minutes, Chandler and Grandy arrived back home. Chandler told me he was going upstairs so Grandy and I could talk. He simply does not want to be involved unless it is absolutely necessary.

 Grandy and I went out on the porch and Grandy told me the jest of the conversation which was that Amber continued to claim she had not done the writing ( despite my recognition of her hand writing and her admittance to part of it the night Maria found out about the writing and had the police at the house). She said she would take us to court, if necessary, to get the $2500. At that point Grandy told her to take us to court. Somehow though, he talked her into allowing Chandler to stay with us, for the night, and to go fishing in the morning. He told her Maria was willing to go to the house and unlock the door for her to retrieve what she wanted out of the house. 

In just a few minutes the phone rang again and it was Amber. She had changed her mind and was coming to get Chandler. She wanted a commitment that we would pay her the $2,500. There was much else said but that is the crux of the matter. As in the past, she wanted money. Up until this point, Maria was the one threatened concerning Chandler. It has now spread to us.In order to placate her and buy more time for Chandler, Grandy told her he would have to discuss it with me and he would think about it. She said she would call back in an hour. I am not sure how much time elapsed before the next call came from her. She was on another rampage.  Maria had gotten police to escort her to the house. Remember, Maria has an order of protection out against Amber ----which Amber has violated on more than one occasion. There is actually a court hearing this morning at 8:30 concerning the order of protection.

Any way, Amber told Grandy she was on her way to pick up Chandler. She would not listen to Grandy's pleas. Grandy and I went inside to talk to him. My heart was once again aching and afraid for him. Our plan, that had been formulated with the detective, about calling the police to arrest her ,if she came for him, no longer was in place since she had already been arrested earlier in the week and the judge had released her on her own recognisance, astonishing us all. Ahhhhhhhh--- and the next issue for arrest, for yet another crime, was not yet in place. Ahhhhhhh--- Continuously, Amber refuses to take responsibility for any of her actions. Every word that comes out of her mouth seems to be riddled with lies or reinventions of the truth at best. 

 

Chandler tells us he does not want to go with her. He is worried because Maria has his phone. Maria had taken his phone, as evidence, for the hearing this morning. We formulated the plan that he would take my phone so he could get in touch with us. We stayed as calm as we could when we talked to him. He said again he would tell he he did not want to go. He actually told us we were not sure she would even show up to get him.

She came. On the porch Grandy asked her again not to do this. She told Chandler to get his things. He asked her what she was going to do with him when she went to court. She said she would take him with her. He started crying and said he wanted to go fishing with Grandy. He said he did not want to go to court with her. She told him she would arrange for him to play with someone I did not recognize. Again, Chandler asked her to let him stay to go fishing. I calmly plead with her to let him stay. Money is brought up again. Chandler is on the porch with his grandfather's arms around him. He is whimpering like a wounded puppy. More garbage ( I like this word that the person used when commenting to me previously -- a good descriptive word ) is said by Amber and all of a sudden she looks at Chandler and says, " Alright, you can stay." Randy is supposed to call her when they come home from fishing. 

I am totally convinced the reason he was allowed to stay is because of the money. She thought by not taking him last night, it played better for her, in the scheme of getting the money.

 Needless to say, earlier in the day, golf did not take place, nor did getting the boat trailer's spare tire pumped up. Grandy took the tire as Chandler and I got supper ready. While Grandy was gone, Chandler and I had a brief but telling conversation about the earlier events. He seldom wants to address any of what is happening so I am thankful when he is willing to get some of it out. He told me he had thought deep down inside he would get to stay with us. I asked him why. His response was to look at all the times she had threatened for bad things to happen and then she did not carry through. He also told me he had wanted to say to her," If you really cared about me you would let me stay." I told him I thought that would have been a very appropriate thing for him to say and I asked him why he had not said it to her. He said he was afraid to say it. He did not know why but he was afraid. I told him I understood.

And so here we are this morning. A grandchild and grandfather are on their first fishing trip in their boat and as I type this Amber and Maria are in court. Maria is armed with pictures and phone texts, and evidence but Amber is armed with her wits, verbal skills and a profound sense of reinventing the truth and it is a powerful skill. A skill so powerful I have seen it time and time again win out over sense and logic. She told her father the judge had let her out this last time, on her own recognisance, because she was profusely throwing up. I guess the court did not have a bucket to give her--

just another free pass. 

Free passes eventually run out....... don't they?

During The Time

 During the time I have been blogging I have received many comments which have been supportive. I often feel like I am be carried along this recent path of life much the same as an army of ants carries a piece of food. One ant alone could not possibly carry the load but together the march is accomplished. Sometimes I get messages via email, telephone calls, some in person,  comments on my blog and some via the U.S. post office. What ever the channel, the feeling of gratitude I feel is of great magnitude. 

Today I am going to address two comments I have received which have not been uplifting. From the birth of my blog I have monitored my comments. This allows someone to contact me without actually having their comment published. It also allows me to supervise what is published. Since I am so open about my life I thought it appropriate to be open about these comments as well. I have given some thought to the messages and I am grateful for the thought provoking and emotions they have stirred in me. As in all things, taking a look from a different point of view is healthy and educational. It is also interesting to me the different emotions I have felt when I have read the comments which follow. Months have passed between receiving the  two.

 

The following comment came to me on April 2nd. As I recall it was left after my entry of Chicken Noodle Soup.

With all do respect, why would you post such personal things about your daughter and family on the Internet? Think of Chandler and what he will think when he reads this. I'm sorry but I just don't think it's worth it.

 This comment came from my nephew. I was not at all happy when I received it. I started to email him back saying, " With all due respect it is none of your business what I post on my blog."  At the time though, I thought this gave my nephew and his comment more validation and it was better left alone. You see my view of my nephew is not one of trustworthiness.  As my mother would say, my first thoughts were, "The Nerve Of Him". 

 Time went on and just day before yesterday I received the following comment which has the same tone as my nephew's earlier one. This comment was made by someone not identifying him or herself.

No mother in her right mind would blast someone like this in a public forum. You should be ashamed of your behavior and publicizing your daughters personal issues. You too should seek help for having the audacity to publish something so negative about your own child. Shame on you, god forbid your grandson read this garbage. He may end up in the same boat as you and your daughter.

Interestingly, when I read this comment I was not furious or upset. On Saturday I had spent the entire day reading a book titled The Anatomy of Peace. I purchased it on a whim. My girlfriend, Janice, was buying it. Something made me go back in the bookstore before we left the strip mall to purchase it for myself. I am grateful I followed  my inner voice that told me to do this. I think this book is a read of value for anyone.  I will not try to paraphrase the entire book, as it is quite involved. I look forward to having discussions with Janice and my husband, once he reads it. What spoke to me from the book on Saturday evening though, while reading the above comment, was to step outside of myself and view the message from the other's point of view.  

I recognize that my style and my openness is offensive to some.

I recognize that I make mistakes.

I recognize that my blog is a selfish outlet.

I recognize that what I post on my blog is always the truth as I know the truth to be.

I recognize that I am not afraid for any part of my life to be shown to the world and this is a comfort to me.

I recognize that my blog is therapy for me and it gives me hope-

hope that my willingness to bar my soul  lets others know we are all in this world together. 

I recognize that secrets said out loud lose their power over you. 

I recognize we all have our dreams that will be fulfilled and others that will not. We all have our challenges and ways we deal with them. 

The question that came to my mind, during fleeting moments of time, since reading this latest thought provoking comment was this:

What kind of mother would post so openly?

And then the question ,what kind of human would post so openly?

A mother that always tried but did not succeed at teaching her child right from wrong.

A mother that always tried but did not succeed at making her child be responsible for her actions.

A mother who wanted to, but did not always do so, show compassion and love.

A mother who mourns for a chance to do it all over again, if she could only figure out what she could change that would make a difference in her child's life.

A mother that knows she has not a clue how to help her daughter or what could be done differently if she could do it all over again BECAUSE you see....

As a human, I have come to understand regardless of how hard one tries to know the best thing to do at all times one will sometimes fall short.

As a human we will not always have understanding.

As a human we will wish we could change others and quite often wish we were better at changing ourselves.

As a human we will want and sometimes get our wants and other times not.

As a human we will all have different beliefs and understandings.

As a human we will all use our opportunities in different ways.

As a human we will have differences but despite those differences it is my hope that we will remember to be humane.

  

Some Happy Pictures

Yesterday's Photo of the Hammock

One of the darling critters that has been making nests with the strings!

New boat that is now hooked up to the truck for it's first fishing trip early tomorrow morning.

Chandler at his golf tournament on Thursday

Chandler in front of the score board after the tournament.

A drama filled day today but that story will come later. For now smiling at the happy in the above pictures.

If Only Amber's Life Remained This Sweet and Innocent

I was lucky enough to have my camera in my hand about 35 years ago.

 -- If Only--

About eleven thirty yesterday, Ria called to let me know Amber had been released from jail on her own recognisance . Unbelievable, just unbelieveable  after what the detective had told us the day before. Now understand, the warrants were issued due to her failure to appear for the charges earlier. Why waste the police's time having her arrested if she is not even going to be required to post bail? The detective had said the judge would not release her since these warrants were already because of failure to appear. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh----     Well, it should not be long before the felony summons turns into a warrant. Randy and I checked the mailbox yesterday to see if she had picked up any mail and she had not.  It is so frustrating but we are patient. As long as Chandler is safe and she is not threatening to take him we can patiently wait. Today it has been two weeks since she called him that day in the car. He appears to be doing fine but I know all too well he has got to have some pent up emotions. We cannot get him counseling until we have custody. 

Last night we watched the movie, The Curious Life of Benjamin Button. Gave me an excuse to cry my eyes out. 

In just a minute we are going to look at a fishing boat advertised in the paper. I hope it is a good one, for these boys of mine, and gives me an excuse to smile broadly. I will let you know!

Warning Pictures May Be Disturbing

Randy and I met with the detective yesterday. He confirmed there are two warrants out for Amber's arrest. Bail is set at $500. for each one. There was also a felony summons issued yesterday. We were told bail would be set much higher for this, if the summons is ignored and a warrant is issued for this charge. This case is regarding Amber not paying a taxi cab driver and for her getting on the hood of the cab and jumping up and down causing damage to the vehicle. We also found out there is still a hit and run under investigation. 

After the meeting yesterday, Randy and I went by the house to take pictures of the damage done to the house and to retrieve the cable equipment for Maria to turn back into the cable company. When we approached the house, unexpectedly we saw Amber's truck in the drive. Randy drove on by. He told me he thought he saw Amber sitting inside the truck but was not sure if Amber had seen us. We went down the road and called the police. Unfortunately, Amber had left when the police got to the house. After this we returned to the house to take our pictures. The police have pictures of the damage and they also have the spray paint cans used. I wanted my own pictures for documentation. My blog serves as a timeline and building a case for getting custody of our grandson. The detective reiterated the importance of keeping this record.

Maria called this morning. She had a message from the constable concerning her order of protection. The message said Amber had been served and Amber had requested a hearing that was set for June 8th. Maria was also told Amber had been served with another order of protection from another person. The message went on to say Amber was picked up last night and is in jail. Maria called the court and got confirmation that Amber is indeed in jail. We are not sure what happens next. 

My camera ran out of battery juice as I was finishing up taking pictures. I did not get to the guest room but it is just more of the same. I also did not get enough pictures of the disgusting living conditions. The only pictures I have posted here are of the destructive writing all over the walls, doors, door jams,ceilings,etc. It is just bizarre to us--- this is a house that was once a darling home. It now looks like a crack house. I think Randy and I continue to be in shock. We just keep using the word BIZARRE.

Randy is at the golf course with Chandler right now. Chandler had a little golf tournament today, as a wrap up to the golf camp he has attended this week. A much happier game than the waiting game we are playing with our daughter's destruction.

As the title of the post says--the following pictures may be disturbing--- 

The Unraveling Continues

The latest look of the hammock upon our arrival back in Pinetop. I thought I had better post now before it is too late! It appears to me there are lots of little squirrels being born this year! Our hammock is quickly being devoured for squirrel nests. I am trying to document this once a week.

This end is greatly damaged.

The other end is just now being eaten away.

Before I get too far behind in continuing the central story of our family I should update the story about Maria talking to Chandler about serving Amber with order of protection papers.

This is a continuation of the chapter I started on Thursday, May 21st entitled Squirrel Recycling. After Chandler's baseball game, we did indeed have pizza with Ria so she could talk to Chandler about going to the police concerning his mommy Amber. Chandler wanted to know if his mom was going to jail. He was told we did not know but she had other illegal things pending other than the charges filed by Ria. He was also warned, once she was served with the papers, she might wig out and want to keep him from all of us.  As a group we decided to not have him go to school on Friday, the last day of school. We realized he would be getting out at 11:30 anyway and movies were the work of the day. Chandler said he just wanted us to stop by and get his report card and get to the valley so his mommy Amber would be able to take him from school away from us. That is what we did.

As we reached the valley around 11:30 the call came. Grandy and I could only hear Chandler's side of the conversation, of course, but it was obvious Amber had been served and she was wigging out. We heard Chandler tell her he was not with her ( meaning Ria ) He said this about three times and then told her he was already in the valley. We learned later this comment was in response to her telling him he could not go to the valley. We then heard him saying to her," And take me where? Where are you going to take me" He then screamed no into the phone and hung up.

He could not talk to us at first. We let him alone for about five minutes and then I quietly told him when he was able to talk he needed to let us know what had been said so we could protect him. He slowly told us Amber had told him she was picking him up on Monday and he would not be able to see any of us again. Randy quietly assured him that would not happen. Grandy explained we would not even be in Pinetop on Monday. We would be in the valley all week long. He explained his mother most likely did not even know school was out and that Monday was Memorial day. We also told him we had a text from his mother, giving him permission to go to the valley on Friday. We also had his orthodontics appointment information for his appointment on Wed.  When Grandy finished he hung his head and shook it. " These are just crazy times.  This is supposed to be my vacation. I am supposed to be having a good time and enjoying myself. I am not supposed to be having to think about all this craziness." Grandy told him he was exactly right and to not think about the craziness, to just think about having a good time in the valley. It would be alright.

Well, needless to say, we were holding our breath for a while. We wondered if Amber would call the police and threaten us with kidnapping. Nothing happened in terms of us and Chandler. Amber has not contacted him since-----but of course there is more drama.

We stayed in the valley until this past Sunday. Ria's school district was still in session so she returned to Pinetop/Lakeside to be at work the Tuesday after Memorial day.

Sometime during the week, a detective called Ria concerning her fraud case against Amber. He is a detective that actually worked with Amber the year she was a probation officer. We also had met him once in another earlier incidence. He told Maria he could not believe what Amber looked like in the picture he saw of her. He asked Maria if we had gotten custody of Chandler. Maria told him we did not think we had enough yet on Amber to file the custodial papers. He said he was not so sure about that. 

Remember the cable equipment that Ria needed to return to the cable company---the cable fraud and the phone fraud charges? Well, Maria sent someone to the house to pick up the cable stuff last Friday. Well, when Rene' got there he found profanities spray painted all over the front sun room walls. He called Maria and she called the police to go with her to the house. When they arrived they found profanities painted or marked with markers on all the rooms downstairs, doors, and the shades ripped off of the windows. Amber was very belligerent and Ria said she was almost arrested. Ria also said it is very obvious the police do not like Amber in the least. The police told Amber they had just been at the house the night before and this was not done to the house at that time. They also told Amber they would testify to that. I guess she was claiming she had not done it. The police told Maria it was the most sober they had seen Amber. The night before they had been there because Amber had an antique bed set up in the driveway ( one I purchased in TN for her years ago ) and Robert, old boyfriend ( you might remember him from an earlier post ) had flattened the bed with his truck. The police were not able to do anything to Amber yet, about the house, because Maria had not filed eviction papers. She starts that process today. First step is to send Amber a certified letter which gives her five days to vacate the property. 

Do you remember Amber had a court date for Thursday, the 20th? Well, she did not show up for court. Seems she sent someone to the courthouse supposedly with a Doctor's excuse. Ria sent some friends to the courthouse on that Thursday to see what happened. That is how we know about her sending someone with the excuse. We also went on line to look at court records. When we went on line and looked at the court records it showed a warrant was issued for her arrest for failure to appear.   This was last Thursday, the same Thursday the police had been to the house in the evening for the Robert incident. Maria had also asked the police, last Friday, about the warrant for not appearing in court on Thursday. They told it takes time for the warrant to appear to them????? Seems to me if there is a warrant now, they know where she lives so why wouldn't they just go arrest her?

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh---

Randy called the detective today. Randy got his voice mail and he left a message.We plan to discuss the issue with him and then decide if it is indeed time to file the custodial papers.

And so it is this part of the drama continues to unravel. I just wish it would hurry up and completely unravel.

Alright, think that catches you up with this particular story line of our lives.

 Another story line is what kept my heart awake last night and I got up at four o'clock and took half a xanax. Knew better. A fourth is all my body can handle. It got me to sleep but I have not felt right all day. It is slowly leaving my system though and there will be no more mistakes about taking more than a fourth of a pill. I seem to be a wimp. My prescription is lasting for months since I have taken a total of one and a fourth pills in four months!

 My heartaches have the underlying issue of me trusting people.  I think it is also a huge issue of trusting myself and my judgement. My daughter is not the only family member that I have had poor judgement about and trusted. I think this is a good place to stop today's family rendition though----

I will close with a Patriotic Treat!

Is this darling or what?

 My friend Bonnie made this for me. It is a vintage bed spring with a sheet of America the Beautiful music paper wrapped in a cone. The spring is then decorated. LOVE IT! Smile.

I want to find enough of the springs to use for one of my packaging projects. I will crimp the bottom of the paper and fill it with goodies. 

I can also see the spring used as a base for a decoration for all the holidays throughout the year. THANK YOU, BONNIE!

We are off to another All American pass time this evening. Chandler has a baseball game. Best get my team spirit clothes on!

Thanks to all of you who are on my team in this blog land community. 

Thanks for rooting for me and my family.

What Other People Are Thinking Is None Of MY Business

This is most likely the last picture taken of my mother and me. While my fretting is not about my mother's death, it is, of course, intertwined into the fabric of my soul.

My last post was done in haste.

The above sentence was written using a different font for every word. It is representative of how my brain is working these days. Problem is there are not enough fonts from which to choose on blogspot. I want more!!!! My brain is more complicated than seven fonts.

I felt compelled ( love that word, Kim, of Mystic ) to post when I last posted but had no time to analyze what I would post.

My struggles are quite complicated. I am going to try to think about them and even write a little about what my struggles are.

Sandy,of Her Vintage Stage your words that I used in my title today are profound and exhilarating.

Kim, of Sweet Sage Vintage, your message of my heart being open is a true one.

Chia, of House of Stirfry, your immediate encouragement and reminding me to stay true to myself--well, no words can express their impact.

Right now I think I am trying to figure out how to stay true to myself and who I am AND FRANKLY who it is I actually want to be.

A couple of my longest, dearest friends, Bonnie and Suzanne, both warned me about some very lengthy bouts of depression in the year following the death of their mothers. I was told I would see---- 

Another long, dear friend, Janice, is terrified of the death of her parents. 

Janice says her first real love affair was with her mother.

Bonnie said she felt like she had lost her best friend when her mother died.

Suzanne mourns the loss of a period of time in her life that is gone forever. 

All three, along with another friend my age, Mary, suffer degrees of sadness over this time in our lives that puts us face to face with mortality.

I am still waiting to see----- 

Hospice grievance called to see how I am doing. Sweet, so sweet. I was not expecting the call. Sweet, so sweet, but as I told her-----my issues seem to be with people still living instead of my mother's death BUT wait--- is this all true?

  Shortly after my mom's death, my dad hung a tacky cartoon picture on the wall in the den. It is hung in a place that is out of place. I asked him how long it had been hanging there. I could not imagine my mom letting him hang that thing on the wall! I was right. Smile. He smiled and said he had just hung it. Said he had hung another picture up in the bathroom that he always loved. He told me they were items  mother would never let him hang.  ------- Randy and I actually see this as a good sign in that it means he has not just given up and doesn't care.

BUT, yesterday, before driving up to Pinetop, Randy and I returned my dad's car we had borrowed while in the valley. We took him out to breakfast for one last meal together before leaving. I went to the bathroom in the hall. As I came out of the bathroom my eyes went across the hall to the guest room. It is the room my brother and sister-in-law stay in when they visit from overseas. They had been here for a month following my mom's death. I saw a dark frame filled with  what looked to be like different arrows-----I went into the room. Upon looking around I saw my mother's wall decorations had been removed. In place of my mother's things, my brother and sister-in-law had hung African masks and had put out all kinds of African decorations. All of these items are hung and displayed in a country wallpapered bedroom. Stupid looking. Does it really matter? No. Does it bother me? Yes. I am working on figuring out why.  There are many issues related to this.

 Another acquaintance friend asked me why I had not gone to my mother's side to see her before she died. Her question took me by surprise and I truthfully did not know how to respond at first and still don't I guess, as I obviously view things so differently from others. I think Joyce, the very sweet lady that asked the question, was genuinely shocked ( don't know if that is too strong of a word ) that I did not have Randy drive back up to Pinetop so I could drive to the valley. Instead, I thanked my lucky stars that the universe had arranged it so Randy was in the valley. He was the one that would help my dad with all the funeral arrangements and through the difficult process. I was grateful that I would have time to process what my dad would do and why he would do it concerning burying my mother. You see, had I been the one in the valley I think my father and I would have had words over my mother's wishes. I don't think I would have had the time to have the clarity to see my dad was the one remaining and he needed to do what was best for him. Plus, I have never, ever been good with illness, hospitals, etc. Most of the time, for me, if I am in the hospital it is a burden, rather than a pleasure, to have other people present. I want people living---not sitting around in my hospital room intruding on my quiet time. Rest assured, if I should want company I am not shy in requesting it. No visiting me because it is the right thing to do. If morning, the right thing to do is skip around the block to the Starbuck's store, for a latte and toast me getting better. At noon, toast with a diet coke and at night a glass of wine or something a little stronger, if you are so inclined. Got a little off the subject here. Rambling---one of the things I do best. Maybe through rambling though I will help clarify some things for myself.   Back to my mom. Every time I was with my mother for the last few years ( maybe further back than that, truth be told ) I knew when I left her it could be the last. I have just never, ever, understood people wanting to be there all of a sudden when someone is dying. Dying to me is a very personal thing. It is intrusive to me to intervene. I know, I am strange. I have also never understood why people travel great distances to attend funerals when they did not travel to be with the person when they were living. I don't get it. Then again though, funerals are not my thing. I like the celebrations---celebrations of  life. I want to celebrate every day I am alive. I don't want a funeral----unless it is chosen because another needs one in order to deal with my death.

I have not mentioned my daughter and there is more drama to tell but 

I think it is time for this post to be published. There is much to be done around here today. Clothes to be put away, craft items to be put away, plants to be watered. 

This post has been a start towards my heart being an open book. 

There will be more chapters later.

There will be more chapters.

There will be more.

There will be.

There will.

There.......... to be continued.