Monday, July 28, 2008

It Finally Happened

Purple is my least favorite color so I am posting in purple this morning. I was up till almost one last night and then had a fitful night. I awoke early, for me, anyway, this morning. My eyes opened around five thirty. I did not want them to open. I longed for the sleep to envelope me once again, to my dream land. My land where all is well and I do not have to face the realities of life. I knew it would not happen. I knew my mind would not allow it. I am not someone that just relaxes and is able to put things aside until later. I once had a college suite mate that- oh never mind. That is another story. Maybe I am just, once again, trying to not think about what happened last evening.
My husband and I have been together for around 28 years. I say around as we have been so happy together I do not keep track. I know, odd for a woman. He has always been the one to want to celebrate our anniversary---seven/eleven. When ever the clock says seven/eleven each of us mentions it to the other. Lucky numbers on the crap table. We didn't plan the date. It just happened. Again, another story. We were together eight years before we got the legal document. We only got it then because of legal matters. You see a marriage certificate is a piece of paper to me. To him too but he still likes the date so we have a day to celebrate our love for one another. I did just say our love for each other, didn't I? The paper does not hold the heart and commitment one makes when loving another. I have always believed actions speak louder than words. Beauty is only skin deep. On and on the sayings of my childhood formed my being. I must admit, it is I that changed more radically. The years come and go and slowly one is introduced to new stimuli and new ideas. It really did all happen so slowly I barely recognized the change at all. When we first met I would not go to the mail box without make up on my face and at least a pretty robe on if I was not dressed. The robe was not lacy though. I always leaned towards checks and paisleys. I wore Private Collection perfume, by Estee Lauder. Feminine but not an overpowering sweet scent. Another story and alas, once again I am rambling. I ramble a lot. That is something that has never changed. I am a detail person. Who cares? Rambling is healing. At least I am talking about my discovery and my sadness. How could I have seen it coming? I have always heard there have to be clues. There were no clues, to my knowledge. I have wrecked my brain over and over. Part of the staying awake thing, pacing the floor. Truly, I did not see it coming. After all, my husband is just retiring. We have been working on our cottage up here in Pinetop for over a year and a half. We still have the special bottle of wine we purchased several years ago to open upon his retirement. It is official on August thirteenth. We have weddings to attend this fall. We have--- We have--- We have-----how could he? I finally decided to post so I could share my inner anguish. I have always told others to share. I like sharing the good. Sharing the bad is harder for me. I am not sure what I am going to do. Challenges have always been a large part of my life. This too will pass. This too will eventually teach me about life's lessons. This too will make me a stronger and better person.
I guess the biggest changes I have made were influenced by several of my girl friends and my daughter. Each of them has always been more girly girly than I. Janice loves glitter, Suzanne loves linens, Bonnie loves florals, Amber, my daughter, loves foo foo, and the biggest culpret, Kim of Sweet Sage Vintage, loves doilies and lace. I would love to blame it all on Kim. After all, before sharing a space with her at Merchant Square, I always hated pink and I never used lace. I know in my heart though it is not her fault. I must take responsibility for my actions. I did not have to take it so far. My husband said not a lot of pink so what did I do? I substituted lace. It started innocently enough. We wanted curtains that could easily open but were cottage in nature. So, as you have seen in earlier posts, my solution was vintage lace tablecloths and bedspreads. The clawfoot tub was chosen for our bathroom and Randy, my husband, just finished installing the shower part of the tub. I did not have to choose more lace for the shower curtain. It looked so pretty though. I have taken a picture for you to see below. He still seemed happy. But then, yesterday afternoon, we were finally hanging some pictures and I started arranging some knick knacks, on a dresser, in our room. I kept changing things but nothing seemed totally right. I ran upstairs and sorted through more lace and more lace. Just like all the little squirrels I see in the morning, I scurried back down the stairs and placed the lace underneath the knick knacks. Viola, smiles, pleased with myself, Yes! I looked at my husband across the room and without thinking he let the words flow from his mouth. "I feel like I am living in my grandparents house." What will I do? I will keep you posted on my mental state. I am sure I will need to share more later.
The Happy Husband That Uttered The Words!

The Lacy Shower Curtain Made From Vintage

The Lace that Caused the Comment

4 comments:

Sweet Sage said...

YES! YES! YES!!!
I am HAPPY to take this blame!!!
(And I WANT THAT MIRROR!!!)
~sweetsage

Sweet Sage said...

p.s. That curtain is beautiful!

Judy said...

OH NO!!! I love the look you have created in your high country cottage! But I am not a guy!!

M said...

Oh CeCe, you had me. I was reading along not knowing what the dreaded news was going to be and I expected the worst! Lace? Grandparent's house?
OK......
And Thank You! I'm not a purple fan either but it sometime seems that's a minority.

Marissa