Friday, November 27, 2009

Where Are You

Where are you?
Are you sleeping still? Yeah, right!
Are you at Target?
Are you at Best Buy?
Are you at Michael's?
Are you at Penny's?
Are you at any number of other stores that wait for this day all year long?

Yesterday I was flabbergasted when I saw Michael's was starting on Thanksgiving Day at five in the afternoon.
I then heard a local , wonderful by the way, scrapbook store was open last night with all kinds of special activities and offerings.

I am home, reflecting on yesterday's indescribable Thanksgiving event that my dear friend , Bonnie, had at her home. I have lots of pictures but my camera might have been left at her home. Imagine that. It might also just be in the car BUT my honey is still sleeping and I don't want to open the garage door and awaken him. I did, however, want to post a little note as a reminder to myself about my thoughts.

1. It was amazing- the meal, the crafts, the decorations, the people, the care with which all was executed.

2. I felt sad- It was the first Thanksgiving without my mother.
My dad was ugly to me right before we took him to my friends. I imagine this was also due to it being his first Thanksgiving without my mother.
He was also not getting around very well and has been declining a little more of late.
Chandler was with his mommy Ria ( which was fine )- just that last year he was with us in Tennessee at my dear Suzanne's house.
I was grateful--Grateful we did not need to worry about Chandler's safety.
Grateful that we have such caring and wonderful friends.
Grateful for all we have.
Just plain Grateful.
But I was also sad. Sad I did not have my family in tact like my friend.
But there came the Grateful again. Grateful that I recognized my feelings and acknowledged them. By so doing I did not allow the emotion to own me and rob me of my joy.I did not beat myself up.
I allowed myself to mourn the fact that we are ,
of course, grieving the sadness of Amber's choices to give us up and
be on the course she has taken.

I am grateful right now that my honey has awakened and we will drink some coffee and get going on our day which includes way too many things but one of which is we will be out later doing our part for Black Friday. We have a BMX Bike to purchase. I don't know of anything more fun to have under a Christmas tree than a new bike! Well, maybe a puppy but thankfully that was not on the list----trust me----if he thought there was any way that would happen it would have been the only thing on the list. Smile.

There will be pictures---- I will find that camera!
Another thing for which to be Grateful!
May I remind myself every single day of the year to think of one thing for which I am GRATEFUL-
Today I will start with you, whoever you are reading these words of mine. Hugs-CeCe

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Friday, November 20, 2009

The Image That Started It All

The Image That Started It All---

Now You See Them

Now You Don't

Now You See Them Again

It seems I better get used to it.....losing things that is. Last night I wanted to take a picture of the setting above to post. It was late and I realized my camera was out in the car already packed for the trip to the valley. I decided to wait till morning and just stage the picture. ( Now there is cranberry juice in the glass instead of red wine. ) I had the car keys in my hand when I must have gone back into the bedroom and straightened up the bed covers. Once that was done I started out to the car for the camera. But wait, "Where are the car keys?", I asked myself , " I just had them!" After looking everywhere that would be logical for about five minutes I thought to pull the covers all the way back---you see I had already thought to look under the covers but did not pull the covers back far enough. There they were-- When I lost the phone I told myself I was going to slow down so these things don't happen. Yeah, right. I am now deciding to just accept them and know things will get lost but they will get found again.
It is hard to see, but that key ring is an antique piece of silverware made and given to me by Sweet Sage. She might have some for sale in her Etsy shop. You can visit her blog here. Her blog and all her creations are lovely and a special treat.

My Favorite Place To Be Of Late

I stayed up till one thirty last night finishing the book Eden Close. I did not get to bed until eleven. All thirteen items on yesterday's list got completed though. I was shocked. Once I started reading I could not stop. I need to contact the author, Anita Shreve, and tell her she needs to write faster. I only have a couple of more novels left to read until I will have completed reading all of her works.

It is time to pack up the car, do some last minute house cleaning duties before heading out to the valley.
By the way, I just talked to Randy. He cancelled his golf games. I had told him not to but he did so as he said he looked around and thought too that we needed to get one side of the house done, at least, so it could be cleaned. We had a good talk about each of our expectations and we are going to readdress a schedule so neither of us is disappointed in decisions made about when we are working and how much will get done.
Communication -

I want to thank each of you for taking your precious time to read my thoughts.
I want to thank each of you for YOUR thoughts and comments.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The List

Right this minute I have 13 items on my list to accomplish today.
Posting is not one of them.

Right this minute, it doesn't matter.
It is what I want to do.

Right this minute, I am sad to tell you my cell phone was found yesterday BUT
My cell phone doesn't work.

Right this minute, I am sad to tell you my printer quit copying yesterday. It would print from my computer but it would not copy something placed on the screen.
This meant I had to hand stamp lots of smiles and more on 75 large sticker tags for a business project.

Right this minute I am wondering what happened yesterday with Amber's court date.
Did she show up? Did they plea bargain?

Right this minute, I am irritated that I would even take time to wonder what happened at court yesterday. I don't want this to be a part of my life in any way, shape, or form.

Right this minute, I am pondering the counseling review meeting we had yesterday for Chandler's counseling. Since Grandy is in the valley on paint detail and Chandler's teacher could not attend ( she emailed a detailed report which was quite favorable for the most part )
it was Ria, Chandler and I, in the session. The counselor somehow did not have us down for an appointment ( her mistake ) but she had a cancellation so it worked out. I have told you many times in the past Chandler seems to do better than any of us. This continues to be the case. Some positive things, in my mind, came from this session.

1. Discussion concerning the amount of time one should commit to trying an activity before giving up on said activity. Chandler wants to try Scouts.
2. Maria asked the counselor if she could recommend an adult counselor up here for her. The counselor said she would check into it and call Ria.

3. The number two item was asked after Ria bringing up she and Chandler had attended church this past Sunday at a Lutheran church. Ria had discussed this possibility with Randy last week while I was in the valley. Upon their attendance last Sunday, Chandler found a classmate in attendance. Said friend wanted Chandler to attend bible study on Thursday afternoons. Chandler had asked if he could do this. Ria was concerned about talking to Chandler about her not wanting him to go to this class. Why you might ask would she not want him to go to bible study if she has taken him to church? Seems Ria stayed after the service ( which she liked) to talk to the pastor. She left church that day very upset. She did not elaborate on the exact conversation but it was obvious her sexual orientation was unacceptable to the pastor. Both the counselor and I expressed to Maria that there is a church out there that will be welcoming to both Chandler and Maria. The counselor talked about Ria and Chandler shopping for a good fit for them and visiting various churches before deciding where they want to attend. This subject always, always, always brings up unpleasant, unsmiling, emotions in me. I have a very difficult time......will leave the rest for your imagination.

4. Another topic was talking to Chandler about his Mommy Amber. Does he want to hear about what we hear is going on with her? He is to ask if he wants to know something. When and if she shows up wanting to see him he does not want to be left alone with her. He wants one of us to be present while he is in her company. This also evoked some pretty strong emotions within me. I do not want to deal with her in any way, shape or form. I want her to STAY AWAY forever-------------I do not want Chandler to have to deal with her in any way, shape, or form. I do not want Grandy to have to deal with her in any way, shape, or form. I do not want Ria to have to deal with her in any way, shape, or form.

Right this minute I am pondering the seemingly sudden shift in my emotions last night as I talked to Grandy ,on the phone, recapping the counseling session and the rest of the day's happenings.
Grandy has been on paint detail. When I arrive in the valley tomorrow we have a week before we are scheduled for a week's vacation in CA. We had discussed painting, painting, painting during this week. While talking he mentions he has signed up to play in a golf tournament on both Saturday and Sunday. OOOOPPPPSSS-----there goes the smile, here comes the frown, here comes the doom, here comes the disappointment, here comes the dismay, here comes the ------- what happened to the sooner we finish the job the sooner we do not need to be one of us up in Pinetop and one in the valley??? Well, I can tell you where it comes from---It would be fine with Grandy if it took a year to get the job done. It is not fine with me--- Sounds like a typical difference in personalities taking place. Seems we need to do some prep work on both our expectations and get a plan of action in place for compromises on both our parts. Some communication. Yes, communication is in order.
Right this minute, I am realizing it was a culmination of emotions that were brought to the surface from the day's little events and then the counseling session. I am a very passionate, opinionated person. Two topics of much distress were brought up in the counseling session.

Right this minute I am understanding I will feel sorrow, I will feel anger, I will feel disappointment and I need to allow myself to feel those emotions---for if I don't allow myself to feel these emotions how will I allow myself to feel joy, happiness, and hope? .

Right this minute I am smiling again. I hope you are as well.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Not a Wordless Wednesday

An entire week has gone by and I have not posted.
An entire week has gone by and I am still trying to figure out what to post.
An entire week has gone by and here are a few things that have happened-

I picked up my printing order for a December delivery and it was wrong. I did this on last Friday and failed to check it when I picked it up. I made the assumption it would be correct. I discovered it was not correct on Saturday. They are not open on the weekends.
I beat myself up a little ( just a little ) for not checking it at the time of delivery. I had to wait till they opened on Monday to take it back before being able to leave to drive up north. It is now being fixed but not without some reflection of my demeanor----thus the pondering about what to post.
I had to make two trips to the printers when I first took my order. My husband had to scan a sheet for me that I had failed to get in the package to take to the valley. The first trip to the printers was one that went well, or so I thought. Detailed notes were taken about the order. The person taking the notes could even say what I wanted done before I could say it as he remembered me from years past. I have been having them do this job for about five years now.
Second visit to printer: I did not know with whom I had spoken to on the first visit. I explained to the gentleman talking to me this time about my order and that this was another page that needed to be printed and placed at the back. I told him the gentleman that I had placed the order with knew I would be bringing it. I don't remember what I said or how I said it but he put his hands in the air and said he was sorry but he did not know about my order. I was a little surprised as I looked at him and realized he thought I was angry with him. I was not angry, did not think I acted angry, etc.

When I took back the order on Monday morning, who should come to the front to help me but the second gentleman. He again, sort of acted like --- like what?? I can't figure it out. He didn't say it was my fault but there was something about the way HE acted that made me start questioning the way I am acting----- Am I putting off angry vibes all the time? I certainly thought I was feeling better. I certainly thought I was making more progress with my emotions. I certainly thought-----

Good news or is it? Chandler has a very large Calcium growth on the upper part of his left arm. Grandy had discovered it when he was about eight. We were all frightened. He was seen by a specialist and Amber informed us that it was not serious in terms of danger and he did not have to have it removed if it did not bother him. We were to "watch" it. She gave Chandler the choice of having it removed. At the time,Grandy and I thought it should be removed right then and there, while he was young as one heals more rapidly in youth. Yesterday I took him back to see the Dr. Well, lo and behold, I was told the same thing Amber was told--guess she told that story straight. We are to keep watching it as the Dr. thinks the risks involved in surgery are not worth the benefits since he is in no pain. There is also the possibility it could grow back.

I washed my cell phone. After I washed it, Chandler and I dried it off and yesterday morning I had it in my hand to take to the car ( only have a car charger right now ) to be charged. Well, it obviously never made it to the car to be charged but I can't find it anywhere else either. I have even looked in the refrigerator. It is sort of funny to me what anxiety can be caused these days by not having a cell phone in one's possession!! This incident is all too familiar with my mode of operation. I need to make better choices. I need to choose to do one thing at a time!!!!!

Randy is on painting duty. Painting duty got interrupted with the discovery of a leaking water heater. Over the past weekend, before I left to drive back to Pinetop, we got the back two bedrooms and bathroom walls painted so he could get the last coat of paint on the trim. It is looking refreshed and I am loving the white trim. There is still so much to do and I don't need water heaters getting in the way of Randy's paint detail!!!
I still get in a state over the size of the house, the upkeep, the need to refurnish----bla, bla, bla.........

We continue to have the opportunity for learning about controlling our thoughts and not allowing others to disturb our peace.
Right before I left the valley, on Monday morning, Randy tells me to guess who he has gotten an email from. I never guessed the right person. He finally told me, Sandra, his sister.
Just when we were having a little break from Amber drama------------------
To make a long story short, Randy's sister lives in Texas. Years ago we helped move his parents out of their home in Odessa, Texas, to an assisted living place in Fort Worth. Randy's dad had had a series of small stokes which made him unable to drive, care for himself, etc. Randy's sister lives in Fort Worth. As it turned out, from the time they were moved there, Sandra paid her living expenses out of the parents checking account, unbeknown to anyone. Randy's mother died during this time and a few months later Randy got a call from Sandra, telling him she had spent all of the parents money ( she had even taken the dad's last five dollars out of his wallet) and there was no more money left to care for his father. She had gone on gambling trips and gambled all the money away. There are many other sideline, HORRIBLE stories related to this segment of our lives but you get the picture. We went to Fort Worth, packed up the dad, brought him to AZ to live until he died.
The email was just another jab in the mind ------

Randy had a security system installed up here so it has helped me relax a little.

I think Maria told me yesterday that she had a call from a detective saying Amber's attorney was plea bargaining for only probation and no jail time. I am not positive about this as I was driving and not listening well--this was all on Chandler's phone---remember-mine is missing. Smile.
I also think today is her court date. I will have to check with Randy and get back to you on this.

I am now reading the Anita Shreve novel, Eden Close. It is just as captivating as the other novels I have read by her recently.

Nine: It is time for me to get to work on making smile tags. I am going to try very hard this week to put more smiles on my face instead of just on my business tags.

Ten: This is really a P. S.
I just found my phone!
Another reason to smile today.
It was in my robe pocket. I put my robe on to take out the trash as I am still in my flannel nightgown. I felt something in the pocket---
Now I remember , yesterday morningI put on my robe and went to the car to turn it on so it would warm up before getting in it to take Chandler to the bus stop. I forgot to take it out of my pocket and plug it in to be charged.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

88 Year Old Veteran Martin Newton Neill

My Father, Martin Newton Neill
88 year old Intelligent, Dedicated American Veteran
Said Veteran with a can of cinnamon rolls
Said Cinnamon Rolls
Veteran with New Oven

Tonight I took my father out to dinner. While eating, he told me when we got back to his house he wanted to show me something and ask me how to do something. He proceeded to tell me about going to Costco and buying a package of cinnamon rolls. He said they looked good on the package and he thought they would make a good, tasty, little breakfast, with a cup of coffee. But---when he opened the package he did not find cinnamon rolls that looked like the ones on the outside of the package. He was expecting to find baked, iced, cinnamon rolls. He found instead three round containers. He tried to get them open but could not figure out how. He pried one end open and discovered the icing container which immediately spilled out onto the counter. He could not get the rolls out of the package. I looked at him and could not help but laugh. I then told him he had to rap the cardboard container on the edge of the counter and the container would pop open. He told me there were no directions on the container about how to get the rolls out of the can. We both had a good laugh as I told him I was sure mom was laughing at him from heaven. She waited on him hand and foot so why would he know how to open the can of biscuits.
I must admit---there were no directions on the packaging about how to get the biscuits out of the can.
See the pretty oven? This 88 year old Veteran went out, on his own, after his old ovens died this past year and purchased the new ovens. He did not even ask for my help. Tonight, however, I wrote detailed instructions for him on how to turn it on and set the timer to cook his cinnamon rolls, for his breakfast tomorrow morning. I had taken a knife, gotten the biscuits out of the can and showed him how to spray the pan with Pam, bla, bla, bla. He told me he might just use the little toaster oven. I told him he was to try to use the new pretty oven first. I am calling this very capable veteran, in the morning, to see if his baking mission was a success.
Besides being a Veteran Hero he gave us both a laugh today and was a great sport about having the event documented with my pictures.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Key Word Is Library

Boy, I feel like I felt when I had a day off from teaching when I was a teacher!
I stopped painting tonight at 8:00 instead of 10:00 or 11:00! I was going to have to open another can of paint and decided to take a break so I could post and get to bed at a more decent hour. Truth is I will probably stay up reading. Am now reading Strange Fits of Passion, another Shreve novel-- another great read.

Speaking of reading---Yesterday I went to Sam's Club and checked out spending almost $50. more on audio books. As I drove out of the parking lot I remembered something my friend, Mary, said when I mentioned all the $ I was spending on audio books. LIBRARY___ Drove there, reacquainted myself and left there with two audio books. Found out I could check out 50 at a time!!!!! Also can renew on line!!!! Times have changed. This is one of the good changes!!!! Those Sam's club purchases might just go back ! I have already listened today, while painting, to one of the books I checked out.

Echo Test: Heart is fine, just fine. It probably won't be once I get the bill! I am relieved to know though that the extra beat in my heart is just that, and my heart, health wise, at least, is in good condition.

Well, I don't know if it is me, my computer, or my camera--Well, that is totally not true--I am sure it is me but I don't know what I am doing wrong as I am doing the same thing I have done every other time to upload pictures, etc. It isn't working though and I am wasting all my reading time trying to figure it out. My tech guy is not in house so I am posting without a picture!!!!
My Healthy Heartfelt Apologies!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Who What When Where Why

WHO: Kelly Amber DuPriest
Birth mother of Chandler Hayden DuPriest
Daughter of Marian Cecelia DuPriest and Randall Thomas Krajcar
X partner of Maria Cuzzecreo
Granddaughter of Hazel Madeline Neill ( now deceased) and Martin Newton Neill
Niece of Gary Eugene Neill
Former friend of many.............

What: Female that exhibits characteristics of a sociopath
Female that abuses drugs
Female with mental problems

When: Unknown.....
It is unknown when the sociopathic behavior began
It is unknown when the female first started using drugs but trouble began as early as twelve years of age. Female might have been 13 when mother found a carton of beer under female's bed.
It is unknown when female's mental problems began....
Was she born with them?
Did they develop throughout her childhood?

Where: Everywhere she is present


Testimony is the latest Anita Shreve novel I finished reading. I completed it last night. If you haven't read it and you enjoy reading this is a must read. It is so cleverly written.
Late tonight, after many hours of painting, I will begin another one. It is sort of fun that I quit reading for awhile and was reminded recently of how much I like her novels. After The Pilot's Wife I read lots of her previous works and then took a break. Now I seem to want to complete reading all of her writings. It is sort of like getting to rent complete seasons of a television series and watching the year's worth marathon style. Fun!
As I have been reading, I have once again been awed by her style. At the end of the book Testimony there is an interview with Ms. Shreve and there is a website listed for her. It just recently occurred to me that my life story might just make a very good basis for one of her fiction novels. I just might contact her. Too bad my story is not ficticious.

Good News: Letter from court arrived awarding us joint guardianship of Chandler. We do not know when Amber was served the papers.
Of course the better news, as I said above would be for all of this to be fiction and for our daughter, Chandler's birth mother , to be someone other than who she is. But Chandler is safe and my husband tells me Chandler being safe is our baseline. Any thing above that baseline is a bonus.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Thursday's Truth or Consequences

I missed Wordless Wednesday yesterday. Had I have not missed it you would have seen the above photo. Although since I just took it, how could that be? Well, I guess I am trying to say on Wordless Wednesday much of the things in the picture were taking place in my life. I could just post a picture of a paint can and brush almost every day of the week and it would be appropriate for what is going on in my life.

I am too goal oriented. My husband tries to remind me when this goal is met there will just be another one waiting. I truly do know this but it is so hard for me to do anything about it. I want to see the finished product. --- One of the reasons I am so amazed I showed you the tub full of unfinished paper products--- still amazes me that they are sitting there--- NOT finished.

Anyway, yesterday I took my dad to breakfast. We decided that was a better time for us to share a meal as he wants to watch sports at night and I want to stay in my jammies and paint!
Lucky for me, he paid for both of us. Hummmm---I have some entertainment money. My brain steers the car to Costco on the way home. I purchased $60. worth of audio books and a paperback book that has been recommended to me ( The Poisonwood Bible -- anybody read it? ) After Costco, I headed to the printers to drop off some real work--the paying kind which allows me to purchase books and paper products. I had to pass right by Barnes and Noble. Being a member that gets 10% off ( I am still debating whether this is a good thing for me or not since I am not sure I actually spend $250. there each year, what with Sam's Club and Costco available to me--- yes, I have a membership to both )I had to stop and look for more of the remaining Anita Shreve novels I have not read. Got out of there just spending $40. You count it up. $100. for books ---- Even if I had paid for my breakfast and my dad's it would not have come to $100.
Yesterday I listened to eight hours of a book. I only have two disks left on that one, which is a long book. At this rate I will be going back to buy more in a couple of days! When I finish painting each night, late, I reward myself by reading a paper book in bed. Wondering if I should just be paying someone to paint. Never mind-- know it is way cheaper to buy the books. I included my ipod in the picture because I have books on it. Trouble is, it is dead-not charged. Have not used it in months so did not even think about it being dead. Listening to books makes painting much more fun. Like listening to books makes driving much easier. Remember me telling you my husband does not have the stamina I have when it comes to projects? This is really saying he is not obsessed. He is the one that caused the purchases yesterday in the way of books on CD. When I called him night before last to see how Pinetop was going I asked what he was doing-- He was listening to the rest of a book while he watched the Suns Game on television. He had the game silent. We had both forgotten our computers would play the disks. ------ Now, you see the picture----- I listen while working-----he listens while watching television------ I think it is a guy thing----- at least that is what I have been told-----

He will fix my drip mistakes though. I guess there is a lesson here--- sort of like the You get a better job if you are a college graduate lesson. He is a better painter than I am. He gets to be the supervisor. Bless his heart. As I said in my last post, he seldom, in our marriage, has gotten to be the supervisor with our household endeavors. He is past due-----and so with that truth spoken, I will go to my consequence. I will open that paint can, pick up that paint brush and paint. Oh Yes, first I will put the disk in my computer!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

I Am A Drip

It is true. I am a dripper. There, I've admitted it. My husband hates it. I really don't mind it so much. I don't drip all the time--just every now and then. What is the big deal, anyway? Now, if you know me, at all, and you know my husband, at all, you know this is all out of character. I am the one that normally spouts the saying, " If something is worth doing, it is worth doing right." I am the one that wants all the baseboards caulked. My husband has latched on to my dripping and I can hear him over and over again, in my head, saying," SMOOTH"! Does he think I am not smooth on purpose? From what I can tell, it doesn't matter how many times I go over the area with the brush-- if I put on the paint, there WILL be a drip or two. He is a better painter than me. Trouble is, I have more stamina. Yesterday I painted from 2:30 in the afternoon until 10:00 at night, straight---well, I did stop to eat a bowl of chili. Anyway, it is sort of comical to me and it is sort of nice for him to be so much better at a craft type item than I am. I have been given the suggestion to do all the priming and I am to put on the first two coats of paint. I am to leave the final coat for him to do. This way he can sand and fix any of my drips. Sounds like a deal to me --- But wait a minute--doesn't that mean I am doing three coats and he is doing one? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh---what a drip I am to be setting myself up to do more of the work---- What kind of a drippy deal is this?

Simple Updates:
Cardiologist Appt. yesterday netted another appt. for a stress test. Doctor is 90% sure all if just fine but making sure. Liked Doctor, Liked Nurse, Hated the fact the Doctor looked young and everyone in the waiting room looked OLD. Seemed like I was the youngest patient around. I think what bothered me the most about it is I am not that far away from having someone thinking the same thing about me when I am ten years older and visiting the cardiologist. Maybe I won't have to visit one again or maybe by that time I will think I don't look as old as the 80 year olds or maybe, heaven forbid, I should evolve this much---it will be perfectly fine with me for everyone, including myself, to be the age we are.

Amber: Heard through the grapevine a couple of things.
1. The old truck she had been driving when arrested for the DUI had been retrieved out of impound ( by whom we do not know -- maybe the owner before Amber?) and was at a repair shop. It got stolen from the repair shop. The detective wanted us to be on the look out for Amber possibly driving the truck. Seems they think someone stole it that had a key.?????
2. Amber was driving some friends to The Lions Den ( local bar ) and got pulled over-- don't know why she was pulled over and don't know what she was driving. Anyway, she got arrested again for driving on a suspended license. Don't know anything else---

Pretty much it---must get back to my painting. May you have a smooth day without any drips involved!