Sunday, June 28, 2009

Mr Goodbar

Good Morning,
  The sun is shining outside and the world appears to be in tack so I must not have gotten too many knots tied or too much shredding done last night. Smile. 
  I have just got to accept that this is a very difficult time in our lives and as much as I wish I could feel joy and bliss continuously it is just not going to happen. I will have fleeting moments of pleasure which will give me a glimpse and a reminder life will not always hurt so much. I am going to work on holding on to this knowledge and forgive myself for feeling the pain in my heart.
Last night, I got furious with my husband. Inappropriately furious. The anger just festered inside me. We were out to eat with some friends my husband "brought to the party" from the golf course. Instead of engaging in conversation with the four of us he left me to converse with the other wife and sat ignoring us. I gave him a little punch ( really, it was little ) under the table. He just looked at me with a blank expression. Behavior continues--- Other wife and I might as well have been at another table, at another restaurant having our own date. Now this would have been fine if this had been the plan from the get go. I gave him another little punch. What does he do? Out loud, he stops his conversation with male friend and ask me exactly what it is he is doing wrong for me to be punching him.  " Well dear, if you can't figure it out, maybe I should just say it out loud , right here,. in front of everyone"  is what I wanted to scream.   I waited till the evening was over and we got in the car-----
Did I have a right to be irritated with him? Yes, as we have had the going out to eat, with various friends conversations, many, many times. Did I have a right to feel the depth of anger I felt-----No-- I was like a Mrs. Badbar.

My husband's favorite candy bar is a Mr. Goodbar.  I sometimes buy him a single bar and give it to him as a little love pat. I had purchased him one right before we went out to eat last night. 
My husband went to bed as soon as we got home. Golf game preparation for this morning. not to mention we weren't exactly engaged in conversation. Before going to bed I put the candy bar in a little white sleeve and wrote him a note telling him I knew he was one of the "GOOD" guys. It was why I had married him and why I had bought him the candy bar. On the back though I asked him to never again, ask me in public, why I was punching him or I just might say it out loud right then and there.
As I have written all of this out the thought comes to mind, Maybe I shouldn't have been punching him at all. Maybe I should have just said, " Honey, will you please engage us in your conversation?"  Well, well, wouldn't that have been a GOOD thing to do. Ahhhhhhhhhh Maybe I should buy both of us some more Goodbars! It is sounding like to me we both could use more of them. Those Badbars are showing up all to often, in my mind, these days.

Next Topics of Updates:

My Dad:  We drove straight to pick him up for supper when we reached town on Friday evening. We went to have wings at Native New Yorker. He wanted anything but Italian food. Italian food was mom's favorite and we ate out at Italian most of the time when she got to choose. Anyway, Randy and I think he needs to have the cleaning people every week instead of every other week. My dad says no. Every other week is fine. Well, no one is really coming to visit that would care about the things we see needing done so once again---keep my mouth shut after I have tried once. He is mainly watching sports and eating T.V. dinners. We had a conversation about the newest and the best T.V. dinners available. He likes them. Has the process of cooking them and pausing the T. V. down to his liking. He is planning to go see his best friend of about 82 years, in South Carolina. He is going to fly first class. YES!!!!! Yes, I say.  His big concern now is his bird dog. He does not want to kennel him for over a week. Anyway, I am working on getting him reservations and think this will be a great time for him. I know his best friend will enjoy his visit also. They have been friends since the beginning of time. They grew up together . Bynum, my dad's friend, was a pitcher and my dad was the catcher on the village baseball team. Bynum and his wife, Coleen have always been part of the family.

On Thursday we visited the place Amber had said she had applied for housing. The lady could not reveal if Amber was on the list or not. Privacy Act.
We did not hear from Amber again before we left town. We did leave money, with Maria, to have to use for Amber's shelter, if Amber contacted us while we are out of town. We would do all the negotiating with Amber. Maria would just do with the money what we told her to do.

Last night, before going out to eat, we checked in with Maria. She said Amber had called and wanted to stop by to get some dishes. Said she just needed a few dishes until she decided what she was going to do. She brought Dewey , the family dog, by to stay the night so Chandler could play with him. Later in the day, Amber came back by, with Yeager, the dog she and Robert had purchased at Christmas time together for his kids and Chandler. Seems a n old neighbor called Amber to tell her Yeager was just out walking down the street. Amber had gone to pick him up and taken him to Maria and Chandlers. Robert is the one that has a restraining order out on Amber. Chandler is happier than a pig in mud to have the two doggies with which to play but I am certainly not sure it is a good thing for Yeager to be there. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh----not my call.

We talked to Michael, a friend of Amber's that she had claimed she would have to come to the valley to live with. This was said during one of her threats of taking Chandler to the valley. I had found him through use of the computer. Michael said Amber had not talked to him about moving in with him.  Randy caught him up on what is going on with Amber's life. He assured Randy he would call if Amber ever showed up on his doorstep with Chandler.

Yesterday I got my Sam's Club fix. I purchased product and worked on product during the remainder of the day. I also purchased a new swimming suit for our upcoming trip to Rocky Point later in July. Buying clothes is so hard now. When I am in Pinetop it is cool and there is no need to have a pair of shorts hanging in my closet. There is little need for any short sleeves! I come to the valley to shop and here the opposite is true. It is hard to make myself purchase clothing for Pinetop. So far I haven't done a very good job. New capris and short sleeve tops. I have just told myself they, like the swimsuit, are for the upcoming vacation. I do however, need to go in my closet down here and weed out some more pieces. I am sticking to the plan of throwing something Goodwill's way each time I purchase something new.

And with that, this rambling will come to an end. I have some weeding out to do in the closet. 

Saturday, June 27, 2009

At This Very Moment

At this very moment I would like to tie the  world up in knots and put the whole thing through a shredder. Know it is not the sweet, positive thing to be saying or posting but in all honesty it is how I feel, at this very moment. And, at this very moment, those of you who read my blog on a regular basis, KNOW, at any moment, I will be telling you how I feel.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

What Is It About

What Is It About Food That Is So Comforting?

     All of my life until about three years ago, I weighed no more than 110 pounds. Now I struggle to stay below 120 pounds. I know, not that bad but remember everything is relative! Most of the time I weighed between 100 and 105.  My friends have always struggled with their weight. We are flooded with diet news in almost every woman's magazine. I am reminded continuously ,of late, standing in line at the grocery store, looking at the display of magazines, about Oprah and Christie gaining back weight. I actually know how I stayed thin all my life. It was my image of myself. I was aware of every bite I took. I didn't have to obsess about it, it was just part of my being. You see, I never wanted to overhear the words come out of some one's mouth,"Oh My, Look how much weight CeCe has gained." Lately, I am still aware of the food going in my body but I just don't seem to care. It is like I tell myself I deserve it. I love the texture of the food. I love the color on my plate. I love the sensation it gives my taste buds. While I have that food in my mouth there is a part of my body that feels satisfied and happy. Yes, I have a happy mouth!   Trouble is, if I choose to continue this thought process of deserve, I will soon have a troubled tummy. It is already too poochy for me. Yes, it is getting time to figure out Deserve Has Nothing To Do With It!  Yes, there is something about too much food that speaks sadness and destruction.

What Is It About Alcohol That Is So Appealing?

  For most of my life I was the lightweight when it came to drinking alcohol. In fact, it wasn't until I was in my thirties and found myself single again that I even drank socially on a regular basis. Until a year ago I had never thrown up from drinking----then it happened. I was on the beach in Mexico and damn those Margaritas tasted so good. It was happy hour and the drinks were two for one.  What a deal!  Smile. There is something about alcohol that speaks of party mode. There is something about alcohol that speaks of glamour. There is something about alcohol that speaks of celebration. I love to see my Cosmopolitan sitting in my Waterford crystal ( Thank you Mom!) martini glass. 
But yes there is something about too much alcohol that speaks sadness and destruction. 

What Is It About Smoking That Grabs One By The Pack?

I started smoking when I was in college. I stopped smoking over twenty years ago. I stopped several times before I made it for more than a couple of months. I loved smoking. Those cigarettes were my best friend. My best friend was killing me though. Sick--Sick--Sick. Over and over again. I loved the feel of holding the cigarette in my hand. I loved the act of slowing bringing it to my mouth and flipping my head back. I am old enough to have watched the movies of the glamorous movie stars smoking those cigarettes on the big screen and I am sure that is where my fascination with the facade began. There is something about even one cigarette that speaks sadness and destruction.

What Is It About Telling Or Hearing A Story That Is So Enticing?

I was looking at My Artistic Side's Blog again this morning. Judy has been taking an online class about fabric collage. The ladies who have been taking this class have been creating some amazing pieces of art. You can view Judy's art here.  Judy has been featuring pages from a fabric book she has created. Today's pages feature a woman that rode broncs and wore pantaloons while riding. She lived in the early 1900's.  It just reminded me of how much I enjoy hearing about other people's lives and especially women who lived before my generation.
I can remember when I was in the fifth grade my favorite books to read were biographies. It was a time when we all had individual desks and they were lined up in rows. During history class I was supposed to be reading from the history book. I held the book on the desk and used the history book as a holder for the smaller in size biography I was reading. I can specifically remember the teacher looking up and asking me if I was reading my history. I did not answer. I just raised the history book up in the air to show her the book. I can also remember feeling so guilty over what I had done that I started reading history from then on---- 
The sadness and destruction of story telling seems only to be when the stories told are not true but are represented as true.

What Is It About Old Wives Tales Or Superstitions That Sometimes We Secretly Believe?

Last night, Texas played in the final game of the College World Series. My husband is a graduate of the University of Texas. Needless to say we were rooting for Texas to win. I am not a huge sports fan but I pay closer attention when Texas is playing. This series was made more interesting to me by the coach for Texas, Augie Garrido. I think the gentleman is 70 years old and I hope I spelled his name correctly. What I do know, for sure,  is the gentleman is someone for which I would want my grandchild to play ball. As I heard what he would say in interviews I became more impressed with his style and demeanor of life. Texas lost the series last night.  When the reporter, immediately after the game, asked Augie what he would say to his team about the loss Augie responded  he was not sure yet. He then added though that over the years he had watched many boys who had come in second, in important ball games, go on in life to be very successful in whatever their endeavors. Many of these boys did not ever want to feel the taste of coming in second again.
As I also watched this game, I started telling my husband to be prepared. The way our lives had been going, it would be a miracle  if Texas won the game. I told him if Texas won the series and became the champions, then it meant things were going to start going our way. I wasn't serious, of course, but trying to joke and have some fun. I certainly hope I did not put a sad and destructive jinx on them!

1. Amber did not call us yesterday at all. This is very strange, indeed, since the day before she was asking for money. She is usually relentless.
2. Not impressed with the new attorney. $250. an hour. He is on vacation for a week starting today. We saw him yesterday. He was going to call someone in CPS that had been with CPS for over 25 years. He thought they should be involved. He told me he thought the person I talked to on the phone with CPS  had wrongly accessed the case. He also said the supervisor he was calling was often out of town at meetings, conferences, etc. He might not be able to talk to her until he returned from his trip in a week. Remember that WAIT word?
I could go into detail as to why neither Randy nor I was impressed but it does not matter. If CPS gets involved and we actually get somewhere I will take back all reservations in my mind about this attorney and his $250. an hour fee. If CPS does not get involved then we WAIT for a conviction.  The sad and destructive thing for all involved is from what I have seen so far with the justice system, I don't see that happening.
BUT--- as Augie so aptly pointed out---one defeat can lead to other victories.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

So What Else Is New

Amber called yesterday morning wanting money. 
Told her we were not giving her cash. 

She agreed to let us pick up Chandler from his house because Ray, Maria's dad was driving Elaine, Maria's mom to Payson, to meet Zachary, Maria's nephew. Zach was coming back to Pinetop with Ray.

Chandler had a cleaning appointment for his teeth that I was paying for since this was a three month cleaning. The orthodontist suggested with braces that the cleaning take place every three months. Amber had originally told Maria to tell me to cancel the appointment ( if you will recall Grandy and I have turned into the "bad" people and Chandler was not to be around us )  but yesterday morning she agreed to let me take him.  Huuummmmmm, there goes that ploy thing again-- trying to show she can be the nice person---She said she wanted him last night. Last night came and went without hearing another peep from her. No complaints about that!!!!!!!

Amber went to court yesterday. We did not even know she had court. Seems the date she went last week that we did not know about was for the felony summons---the same felony summons which turned into a warrant. Well, she went a day late, so they told her to come back yesterday. We knew nothing of this. The judge proceeded to quash the warrant and the hearing was moved from June 25th to July 7th. Once again the detective told Randy he did not understand  it. Well, neither do we. We are just now thinking she will never be made responsible by the court system. We feel so beaten down by it all----

We have an appointment with the new attorney this morning at 10:15 about custody. We will take the court records, what we have documented and our voices to see what he says. We are not hopeful about the outcome.

Sideline- Realtor called with offer on our home. It has gone from being listed at $850,000. ( Realtor set the price over two years ago ) to $575,000. at this moment in time. We are thinking, if it does not sell by the end of the summer, we will lease it. Of course this has been our thoughts at several different price reductions! Smile. We are a mess in our thinking in more than one area! Another smile.

                   Person wants to pay the $575,000. , with $50,000. down and have us finance the rest of the entire mortgage with a balloon payment in seven years. Tells me they can't really afford our home. This means, up front, we would only clear about $25,000., after closing costs, realtor's commission, etc. It would give us income for the seven years but I am worried about my home. We LOVE our home and want someone else to buy it that LOVES it. I don't know that I want to keep attachments to it with someone else living in it that I don't know. And yet, we are thinking about leasing it so what is the difference?! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh----- Doesn't give us cash to build the garage up here------ Ahhhhhhhhhhh---- Just writing out loud. Realtor says we can counter but don't know that we want to even consider it. We are talking about it out loud every now and then though. I thought talking and writing about stuff was supposed to make things better.  Smile. It might make things better but it sure does not seem to help us make decisions!

Hey, I have been writing several smiles in this post. That is a Good Thing!

Yesterday, when Chandler and I were driving home from the dentist in Snowflake ( it is about a 40 minute drive ) we were talking about dental insurance and Social Security. I turn 62 this summer and will start drawing social security in September. Chandler said he would be glad when he turned 62 and could get S.S. I told him it would be here sooner than he thought and there were lots of fun times to be had before that happened. His response made me happy. He said," Yep, and I can think of one of them coming up in July." In July he has vacation with Ria and his cousin. We gave them a time share week. After we talked about this he said," And then there is one in October." I didn't know what  the October one was so he started giving me hints. I finally got it. There is a weekend in October that kids can go to Sunrise and get a free skiing pass for the entire season by reciting a skiing safety rule. This past year he was not taken to get the free pass. We have told him this year we will be taking him so he and Grandy can go to the slopes more often. This event was the October event of which he spoke.     What made me happy about this conversation was a couple of weeks ago Grandy had said something to him, on the way to bed, about life being good. Chandler's response was that it wasn't good, it sucked.  
I guess this is typical of all of us. Some days it sucks and other days it doesn't.  Well, I have just reminded myself of something to remember today! And with that I will leave you with a smile and hoping you have a day that says Life is Good!


Monday, June 22, 2009

Frustrated Beyond Belief

Well, it is Monday. 
Well, so what?

Randy talked to the clerk, at the court, this morning around 8:15. The judge wasn't in yet. We were told we would be called when the warrant was signed. Randy was also told, on Friday, Amber had come to the court and had a friend go into the court house to sign an appeal about the eviction. Randy was told Amber waited in the car with a sheet over her head. Don't ask how the person at the court knew this as we have no clue.Our hope is she thinks there is a viable warrant right now on which the police can act.  Anyway, it cost money to file the appeal so the friend ask for it to be waved. The judge would be the one to wave it and we all know the judge would not be in till today. We weren't sure if Amber would show up today to ask for the waiver. Goodness, there is not much we are sure about these days except we are frustrated beyond belief.

Randy talked to the detective around 12:45. Guess what-even when the judge signs the warrant it then has to be posted. Seems this takes a couple of days before it is actually up in the system and can be acted upon by the police. Thursday is her court date for the two misdemeanors and the felony charge. Looking like to us this warrant won't be up until then. Ahhhhhhh---
So, what does this mean? It means we are ready to scream.  Quite honestly, not that it is in the form of screaming, but we are at each other's throats again. The detective told us again not to give her money.

Amber texted Maria asking her since it was Monday and the five days she is allowed in the house are up today if we were going to give her money. Seems Maria texted Amber back, she doubted it since Amber had filed the appeal and Amber was threatening to take our life away ( meaning threatening to take Chandler away ) Response from Amber was she would not have to take Chandler away if we would give her money.  At this point we went to bed for a nap---up too early today today and I, for one, was exhausted. Sleep seems to be our only escape and even then sometimes we dream about it all.

This morning we picked Chandler up, from his house, to take him to breakfast. We were all a little worried about Amber showing up and getting him. We were trying to keep him away until the warrant  was up and running. This, of course, was before we knew that would not happen today. Anyway, when we got to the restaurant, we decided Chandler would leave his phone in the car. As we were discussing this he said to us, " Don't you wish we could have a tracking system on my phone so you could tell where I am at all times." Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh----

After breakfast he wanted to go to the pawn shop to see if his Wii was there. We went. It wasn't. We took Chandler back to the house to be with his other grandparents. 

That is where we are. Randy is still sleeping. I am drinking a cup of tea. In a few minutes I am going outside to wire brush our willow furniture. We power washed it yesterday after finishing the fence. It has to be resealed every couple of years. I will be brushing vigorously trying to brush away some of my frustration. There is no doubt there will be more to come as the day goes by. It is looking like this frustration will continue for a time frame that is beyond belief.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Now Here Is A Switch

Pictures to go with commentary!

Drinks on the porch last night . Our toast was to dad's.

Chandler with his his two grandfather's, Grandy and Poppy out for breakfast. We missed not having my dad, Chandler's Great PaPa with us. Maria called yesterday and invited us to go out this morning. There was to be no talk of Amber but she called Chandler during breakfast. I would have preferred he not answer ( I hate cell phones when one is eating ) but anyway, she did tell him he could stay with Ria until tomorrow, Monday. The longer we can stall her getting him the better. We are hoping the warrant is signed in the morning. If so, if she won't let him stay with Ria and calls the police she will be arrested instead of taking him away. Other than that breakfast was yummy. We ate at Mama Bear's. Grandy and I had not eaten there before. They have an outside eating area which was quite charming.

My fuchsia pink Peonies photographed through my fence. I wish they were light pink but I guess that gives me an excuse to plant some more. Smile. 

Close up of my white Peonies which are planted out back. I am so glad I inherited these with the house when we bought it.

Chandler with the horse he rode when he went on his two hour trail ride. 

This evening we are going to Chandler and Ria's for supper. Elaine, Ria's mother is cooking a turkey. I am not required to take a single thing! Thank you, Elaine!
 Randy and I have power washed the fence and weeded the vegetable garden. We hope to start sealing the fence tomorrow.
I hope you all have enjoyed this beautiful day.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Background Info

I just finished posting this Friday evening and checked my emails. A comment from Judy, of My Artistic Side made me realize I have been remiss in supplying some background information. Thank you, Judy, for bringing this to my attention. Amber and Maria were life partners for 13 years. Chandler is Amber's biological son but Maria has been his mother, along with Amber, since he was born. Amber was artificially in simulated. Under the law, Maria has no legal right to Chandler. Under the heart the opposite is true.

Back On The Same Page

Before I start the body of this story, I would like again, to thank each and every person that gives me support by commenting, emailing, telling me in person or even those of you who say it to the wind. It is often quite windy in these neck of the woods and you have no idea how much my heart strings are held at bay from those demon squirrels by your expressions of kindness. 

On Wednesday my insides felt like the squirrels were chewing and using the strings of my heart in the manner they are using the strings of the hammock. I think I mentioned my husband and I had always agreed on how to handle Amber through those teenage years. Our dissention was new for me and I just could not understand how Maria and Randy could think giving Amber money would make this whole thing go away.

Yesterday, Thursday,after work, Maria came by to talk to us. Amber had dropped Chandler off to stay at Maria's house with Ray, Maria's dad, while she went to court. Even I, at this point, am a little confused as to where I left off on my blog about the ins and outs of the situation.  I do remember I left off with some good news being told to me. On Wed. Randy had called the court to find out about something----, don't remember what, but about an hour later I called the court back because we had received word from Maria that Amber was dropping Chandler off to go to court on Thursday morning. None of the information we had indicated Amber had a court appearance on Thursday morning. I called the court to find out what the appearance was for--- When I called I was reminded there was no court the rest of the week as the judge would not be back in chambers until Monday. Huuuummmmm--- BUT I was then told the warrant for Amber's arrest on the felony charge had been issued. Finally!!! Good news bad news though as it had not been signed yet. The county attorney had been emailed and asked to come by the next day to sign it. That would have been yesterday, Thursday. It did not happen. He did not come by.This meant it would not be signed until Monday when the judge would be back. Had it have been signed though and Amber had been arrested before Monday she would have had to be seen within 24 hours. Don't ask me by whom she would have been seen but??? It would most assuredly been someone not as familiar with all the other goings on involving Amber and who knows if she would have, once again, been set free on her own recognisance. So--- we wait for Monday. Wait once again.  Now--- we have now seen on the website of court thing a ma gigs ( how do you like this lingo ?!) there are two more charges. One of which is not showing up for a court appearance. The other one--- not sure. We don't understand the lingo----Too much to keep up with---- --- just more though!!!!

 Amber knew that there would be no money forth coming until we talked to Maria so she had left Maria alone, in the morning, yesterday. What she did not know was how adamant I was about the situation. Maria had only been here about ten minutes before the first text came from Amber, " Where should I meet you," it said. Another five minutes. Again, " Where should I meet you?"  I continued to hold my ground. To make a long story short, Maria finally said to Randy, " CeCe is right."  We made the plan that I would be the fall guy, because truth be told I was the fall guy. 
Just as I was feeling like I was brow beating the two of them into submission and starting to think maybe I was the crazy one, both Randy and Maria seemed to suddenly understand.Ahhhhhhhh--- After Ria left, Randy came to me and held me and told me he was sorry and thanked me for being so strong. He told me I had always been the strong one when dealing with Amber as a teenager. When I told him that was not the way I remembered it ,he said," CeCe, think about it. You are the birth mother. We never fought about Amber. Don't you think if I had wanted to be the strong one, as the step father and you had wanted to be soft we would have had major problems between the two of us?"  A heavy weight was lifted. ----  A heavy weight. We were back on the same page. People in love stories belong on the same page.

Earlier in the morning Maria had sent us an email her work gang was going to El Rancho after work and we were invited. We were contemplating whether to go, as I started thinking Maria might rather us not be there, as she could probably use a break from us. She called Randy however and asked us to go. She wanted Chandler to see us and she too told Randy to tell me she loved me for being so strong. Thank you. Same page again. I like being on the same page of those in my life

Shortly after Maria told Amber that we were refusing to give her money Amber called our home phone and cell phone and we just ignored the calls. She showed up at Maria's and told Chandler he would not be able to see us on Sat. and she was getting him on Tuesday. ( I think it was Tuesday--it changes by the hour ) and taking him away. She told them she was filing an order of protection against us so we would not be able to see Chandler at all. Maria said he screamed at her," You have ruined our lives."  She told him it was all our fault, etc. etc. etc. She left and he was hysterical. Maria calmed him down as she told him not to worry, she was not taking him anywhere as she was likely going to jail. Maria said he immediately calmed down. Ray, Maria's dad, was unquestionably distraught by the whole scene.
El Rancho-- Delightful to be with people. Chandler wanted to go home with us to spend the night. He turned his phone off so he would not have to respond to Amber if she called or texted him. At one in the morning he woke me up. Sitting on the side of my bed with me half awake he said, " GramCe, the think isn't working." Groggily, I replied, " What thing, Chandler?" He got frustrated with me and said something like, " You should know." I got out of bed and told him to come on-- I would tuck him back in and stay with him till he fell asleep. When I tucked him in he fell asleep almost instantly. It was not until today that I figured out what I think the " thing" was. Once earlier, during this time of trials I had told him to try to only think of "happy times" when he was falling asleep. I think he had awakened and was unable to only think of "happy times" and that was the "thing" of which he spoke.

  This morning Maria came, with Ray and Elaine to get Chandler. Elaine, Maria's mom had arrived last night. They were going on various errands, one of which was to visit pawn shops to look for Chandler's Wii.

We called the new attorney regarding custody. The secretary said she would call us back with an appointment time.
Randy and I took a nap. When I awoke Randy's cell was ringing. I answered it because I did not recognize the number and I thought it was the attorney's office. Wrong. It was Amber. Randy had not put in her new number so it did not show her name. Ahhhhhhhhh-- more of the same old stuff--- bla, bla, bla. I ended up hanging up on her. 

After Randy got up we went to look for the hotel where she was staying so we could tell the police, if necessary, come Monday when the warrant is signed. Chandler had told us he did not know the name of the motel but he had given us some land marks to look for. We found it. Afterwards-
Hot Fudge Sunday at McDonald's.
Home for a walk.
Randy watching A.S.U. and Texas ball game.
There you have it. We are all now on the same page except our daughter. How I wish we could ALL be on the same page but I do not see that ever happening again. 
To Be Continued-

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Yesterday, All My Problems Seemed So Close At Hand

Now it looks as though I'm stuck in sand--- quick sand---

The Beatle's song is much more poetic but yesterday the problems weren't far away.

It finally happened. Amber called Chandler yesterday and told him she was taking him away. Randy heard him scream and start crying. I don't even remember where I was at the time. I think I was out back watering.I did not hear it. Randy got me though and said we had to talk to Chandler. We told him we would make her call the police and he would probably be forced to go with her but we would do our best to protect him. He said he was staying in his room with Philip and he was closing his door and the door in the hall, at the steps, so he could not hear.

Amber came. When I came down from upstairs from getting the boys situated she was on the porch screaming at her dad and telling us to get Chandler. Profanities profusely flowing. We told her he did not want to go with her and her response was," Too bad. She said she was calling the police. Randy told her to go ahead-call them. It became obvious she did not want to make the call but finally did because we were not budging. She did not give them her name except for Amber-- no last name--- The police and court have her listed as Kelly, her first name. She screamed and yelled in our front yard to the point someone in the neighborhood must have called the home owner's association, as a car with their logo drove slowly by a couple of times looking at us all. We were sitting on the porch while Amber was in the yard. Shortly thereafter, two deputy sheriffs from the county arrived in separate cars. Randy and I were sitting on the porch. I will try to cut to some bottom lines.
Both deputies knew her.
Both deputies were sympathetic with us and talked at length with us inside the house with Amber outside.
Both deputies tried to give us ideas====one of which told us he would call CPS and go see Judge at the Pinetop court to try to get emergency custodial rights. 
They told us they hated it but they had no choice but to make Chandler go with her. We knew this would happen but we had to show him support in making her call the police to take him from us.

She wanted money. She claimed she had cashed the money order because the rent amount was not correct. She said she had not immediately gone back and done this despite the fact the bank gave him a receipt when he went to cancel the other two which shows the exact time it was cashed. 

Randy offered to go with her to the apartment complex right then and there to get her in an apartment. She refused. She said she was waiting two months on an apartment she could get for $120. She said she needed the money to pay a friend to be able to stay there. She kept saying we had caused this whole thing.

  We made the decision using Chandler as a hostage had to change. We were advised by two different law enforcement people to stop giving her money. We made the decision to call CPS and go to the court.

  The sheriff talked to Chandler, at length, giving him his card. We gave Chandler my cell phone charger, which also fits his phone, so he would be able to keep his phone charged. We made him repeat Grandy's cell phone number to us even though we knew he had it memorized. We told him if something happened to his cell or his mother took it from him, to get to a phone somehow and call Grandy. He said he understood. With a tear streaming down his face and mine he was escorted out to her.

  CPS- Whirlwind around the path that was so frustrating I was a wreck.Did no good. Because we had been taking care of him, along with Maria, Amber had not had him. Therefore we could not prove that Amber was not meeting his needs, as his needs were being met because she had left him with us to take care of him. We could not file a case against her until we could prove that where she was keeping him was not safe, or he was not being fed, or his medical needs were not being met. I just will leave it at that. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh----- After this phone call, ----

  Off to court. Judge will be out until Monday-- is at a conference--But all custodial cases are taken care of in Holbrook, anyway. We were given their number. The clerks that helped us were great and without saying specifics I will just relay, of course, Amber was well known by them and again, much sympathy given to us.  Randy called Holbrook but had to leave a message as no one answered. By this time it was four in the afternoon.

   Earlier yesterday, after Amber called the police on us,  Maria was called at work and had to leave work to give Amber access to the house. Remember, Amber has five judicial days to access the house. The last day should be this coming Monday. Ria ( Maria and Ria are one and the same ) waited at the house, with a police officer on Amber to come. She did not show up after much time had lapsed. The police officer left but told Maria to call back if Amber showed up. 

  After leaving the courthouse in Lakeside we went by Ria's to look at what had been painted thus far. The paint color looks great and the house is on it's way to being cleaned up and made livable again. Maria's dad had arrived from the valley. He is helping her paint and work on the house this week. Her mother and nephew are coming up on Friday.

  Ria called Chandler. Amber had dropped him off at Eric's--remember the friend he had stayed with the last time she took him? We all felt better knowing where he was and that he was playing with a friend.

  Later in the evening, Amber showed up at the house. Ray, Maria's dad called the police to come and be present. They came. Amber had Maria call us and tell us she had gotten a hotel room for the next four days and she would file a petition to repeal the eviction if we did not give her the money. She told Maria she wanted her to call us while she was there.

   Maria is now just wanting us to pay Amber the money. She doesn't want to deal with the damages to the house. A week ago she wanted us not to give money to Amber and asked us if there was any way she could use some of the money to fix up the house. A week later, with Amber's cries and pleas, and harassment she just wants to be done with it. She, She, She, She------
Randy told me she told him she doesn't want Chandler in a hotel room. HELLO??????  Does she really think Amber will use the money to take care of Chandler and get a place to live? Randy offered yesterday to go with Amber to the apartment complex---- HELLO?????
She doesn't see that Amber has not lived up to her part of the agreement yet , even if the house had not been damaged, which of course it was. You saw the pictures. Amber's things are still at the house and much of her things had to be packed up  by Maria and friends and moved to the garage. Amber has not been there to pack anything. Amber is not completely out of the house. 
She doesn't see that this will not put an end to it.
She doesn't see that every time Amber is given money it enables her to continue her behavior and is not in Chandler's best interest.
She doesn't see that letting Amber control everyone with threats ---- She, She, She-----
Randy told Maria Amber should not be given any money, regardless, until after the five days have elapsed since Amber is totally untrustworthy. Maria said Amber needs the money now. She needs gas money. At this point I will use one of Amber's favorite words-- UNBELIEVABLE-- Of course when Amber uses it these days she has another word she puts in front of unbelievable. Maria said she did not think Amber would file the repeal. Again, UNBELIEVABLE----  Maria goes from being rational about Amber to feeling sorry for her and enabling. It is just so hard for me I can't see straight.
It is just like at Easter when I listened to Maria for thirty minutes in the bedroom saying she was DONE giving Amber money, etc. DONE and then I got a call later in the afternoon and she was feeling sorry for Amber again.
 Right this minute I wish I could wash my hands of both of them.

Randy and I are at odds. The stress of yesterday and today has been overwhelming. We have always been on the same page when it has come to dealing with Amber. I can't tell you how difficult it was for me when she was a teenager, having to make her responsible for her actions and calling the police and on and on and on--- but I did it. I did it because it was what we were told by Tough Love, Self Help books, counseling and numerous other authority figures was the best thing for Amber and everyone else involved. Now though we have a third person involved and --------

Maria just called. Amber and Chandler were on their way over to the house to get some board games to play in the hotel room tonight. More button pushing. Amber told Maria she has court in the morning ( we have no idea what this court appearance is for as it is not showing up on any of the paper work we were given by the court concerning all of the charges )and will drop Chandler off at the house. Maria's father, Ray, will then bring him to us. Maria will pick him up after she gets off work at one. Maria told us Chandler wants to spend the night with Ria tomorrow night and Amber is letting him. It is actually good news as we will know he is safe tomorrow. Once again though, no dobt in my mind, it is another ploy. She has not been given money yet and it is one of her ways of keeping the button pushing going---  See, Maria, I am trying. I am trying. Tell my parents to give me money.  

Randy is as frustrated as I am but in different ways. I am adamant that I will not give my blessing to paying Amber money right now. While he knows giving Amber money is not the thing to do he is willing to go along with Maria. He has his own exasperation's with this whole situation, of which I will not expound on at this time. At this very moment we are both sorry we ever bailed out the house. We are sorry we ever bought this house in Pinetop. We are wishing we could sell both houses in Arizona and run away to the beach somewhere and have Chandler come visit for the summers. BUT
 I know all too well, running away does not get rid of the issues. 
I know all too well, as hard as I try, right now my heart is not peaceful.
I know all too well, each person involved in this life experience is dealing from his/her own perspective and given the circumstances doing the best he or she can do.
I also know,all too well, as I have been reminded more than once by some very appreciated comments, eventually, this too shall pass. 
I know all too well it is the eventually that is the hard part, as I do not like living in the moment, at this moment. 
But this moment too shall pass.

Just so you know, I did, just get a piece of good news. You will have to stay tuned for a later segment of this continuing soap opera. 
I am sure you know, all too well, I will be posting again! 



Monday, June 15, 2009

Let Us Keep Up

  Randy went to court yesterday morning to give Ria support at the  eviction hearing and to see first hand the results. At nine Amber had her court time for the restraining order hearing involving her former boyfriend, Robert. The judge upheld the order for Robert against Amber. After this ruling the judge asked her if she was staying for her hearing with Ria. She said she did not know about it at which point the constable served her with the papers. The hearing resulted in Ria having to give her access to the house for the next five days so she could retrieve her things and then Ria having to store Amber's things for sixty days thereafter. After sixty days, if Amber's things have not been picked up Ria has the right to sell them.

  While attending court Randy asked Amber if all the money orders were made out to the Pinetop Hills Apartments and she answered yes. You might recall he was beating himself up for going a little brain dead on Friday and not making sure the money orders were made out to the apartment complex. Amber also told him she was having a friend take her to the shop to get her windshield fixed and she would call him to have him go to the repair place to pay for it.-----She never called.

  After court Amber texted Ria saying, " Thanks for the money orders. I am sick of this shit. Chandler will get over going to the valley. You have to store my stuff. I will be coming to stay at the house tonight and will be there at 2:30 in the morning. Ria called me with the latest.

  Randy had gone, with Chandler to pick up Philip, Chandler's best friend. He was coming to spend the night. They had reservations to go horse back riding yesterday afternoon. By the way, they both loved it. Said they would do it everyday if they could. When Randy came home I told him about the latest text from Amber to Ria. He immediately got in the car and went to the apartments and then the bank. He discovered Amber had given the apartment manager the $35. money order for the registration process but was told that Amber was to come back by yesterday but she had not been there yet. He then went to the bank to cancel the remaining money orders. He was able to cancel two of them but he found out the one for $395. had been cashed fifteen minutes after it had been issued. Seems Amber went straight back to the bank and cashed it. This one was for the first month's rent.

  We imagine she will go ballistic when she finds out her dad has cancelled the other money orders. I dread it.

  The detective came by this afternoon to have me look at pictures that were taken of the house destruction by the police. Randy had seen him in court and they had set up the appointment for when the boys would be horse back riding.I gave him copies of the pictures we had taken which I recognized to be Amber's handwriting. He again told us the justice system is slow.

  Now for the last development of yesterday--- When Randy went by Ria's yesterday morning, he went to the mailbox to check the mail for Ria. There was a large envelope in the box addressed to Amber from the same law firm we had consulted with concerning getting custody of Chandler. Remember Amber was assigned a public defender?! 
What are the odds?
 Yep, Randy called as we wanted to have another consultation anyway. Seems the attorney we had consulted with and was holding the order of protection to be issued at the "right time" had been assigned to be Amber's public defender. The conflict of interest was not caught because our case was under Randy's last name and not DuPriest. The attorney profusely thanked Randy for calling and said he felt sure he would be released from the case and would call us back.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Waiting for a legal conviction so we can file the custody papers
for the time when Chandler will not be held hostage.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Covering Up The Mess

Purchased 15 gallons of paint yesterday at Sherwin Williams. Ten gallons of a neutral tan and five gallons of white for trim. Chandler was very much into helping me pick out the paint color. Cute.

Friends of Ria's have been helping clean at the house. Ria has stayed there the past couple of nights. Yesterday, during the day she had a man that was toothless man wander in the door looking for Amber. It did not dawn on me until last night that the toothlessness could be from drug use---meth can do that to one. I am glad there are new locks on the doors and there are now sticks for the windows to keep them from being opened.

Much of the graffiti has been primed. Chandler actually helped prime some yesterday. He already knew about the graffiti and we had to take the paint to Ria. He was with us. He was told he did not need to go in the house, he could wait in the car. He chose to go in and wanted to help. He just ignored the messages on the wall. Grandy closely watched him. He seems to be very excited about the house. He told us it felt like we were buying back a house we already owned. We told him that was exactly what was happening.

His Wii and games-- missing from his bedroom
    Hidden gift card to Best Buy---missing
    Hidden allowance----missing
    Quarter collection---missing

Friday night Chandler's best friend Philip spent the night with him at our house. They stayed up after we went to bed. About one in the morning Chandler awoke me. He told me he needed my help. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he wanted to go home to his old house. I told him I thought it would not be long before his old house was fixed up and he and Ria would be able to be there.  I think Philip had fallen asleep on the couch and Chandler just started thinking---- which is what we all do at times------ I got up and woke Philip up and took them both upstairs and tucked them in for the evening. On Sat. we took Philip home and headed to the paint store.

Grandy just got back from taking Chandler over to the house. He wanted to help paint some more today. Ria has lots of friends there to help. The holes just got patched this morning. Chandler will be coming back here to stay tonight. 

Court in the morning at nine thirty for the eviction hearing. Randy plans to go.
Amber called Ria and wanted to stay at the house on Friday night and Sat. night and Ria stood her ground and said no.
According to what Amber told Grandy she will be able to get into her apartment on Wed. He had three money orders written out for this purpose but he has continuously been whipping himself as the orders were not made out to the apartment complex. He is hoping beyond hope that Amber did not cash them for other purposes. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh----she told him she had to have a place to live and she was not going to mess this up. We will see----

Wait, Wait, Wait----------

Friday, June 12, 2009

A Little Birdie Told Me About Mystic Paper


My local readers have most likely read this article I wrote for Mystic Paper for the Country Register. It is almost the article that was published. There were just a couple of small changes made. I have been forgetting to post it for those of you out of town. It is a little happier tale than what I have been posting about our "real" lives of late. I hope it brings a smile. Even if you are out of state you can visit their web site and blog site. They are hopefully going to be selling on line soon.

                                      A Little Birdie Told Me About Mystic Paper

CeCe knew she shouldn’t be out flying in downtown Mesa alone. Her mother had warned her to stay close to home. After all, she had only been flying alone for a week now. She couldn’t stop soaring now. She wanted to mind her mother. She really did. But after all, wasn’t this partly her mother’s fault? CeCe had watched her closely creating all those wonderful memory books. She was the one decorating their nests with all those creations made with vintage treasures. She was the one that insisted on teaching her children the value of cherishing the old and embracing the new.


CeCe wanted so badly to give her mother something special for her birthday. She made the decision to break all the rules about coming straight home after school. Her mother’s birthday was soon and she desperately needed a unique gift. She was running out of time when she overheard the new neighbors, living in the fancy nests down the block, chirping about a store named Mystic Paper. CeCe didn’t think much about it . The Scott’s were quite well to do and she knew if it was a store they were visiting, CeCe’s family could not afford to go there. 

To CeCe’s surprise, later that same day, when she was out with her dad searching for worms, she overheard another birdie chirping about the same store located in downtown Mesa.  She knew this family and she was positive they were not well to do. Now she was intrigued. The mother was going on and on about the classes, the papers, the inks, the embellishments and all the other things that she knew her mother loved. Most of all though, CeCe’s ears really perked up when she heard the chirp vintage come out of one of the birdie’s beaks. Vintage?, CeCe thought. Oh my, all of the things my mother loves, wrapped up inside of everything vintage?! This was getting too good to be true. She made a mental note, to use her allotted computer time to search for directions to the place called Mystic Paper.

 Later that night, as she carefully searched the web, her eyes lit up as she found the website She was delighted to find out it was not too very far for anyone living in the Valley of the Sun to visit  because it sat smack dab in the center of downtown Mesa. CeCe’s heart skipped a beat. Carefully she wrote down the  address ,---123 W. Main Street. Oh , there was excitement in the air. She almost let out a squeal of delight but caught herself just in time. She did not want to tip any of her family off to what she was up to. Quickly, CeCe sent an email off to her best friend, Bonnie, asking her to meet her at the swings right after school. 

  The next afternoon, CeCe told Bonnie the whole story, so it was time for the two of them to soar on over to Mystic Paper. Within minutes they found themselves at the door in front of the store.  As they peered in the window both of their heart’s skipped a beat. Even from the outside of the store looking in, they both could tell it would take more than a few minutes to see all the treasures this enchanting store showcased. From the first glimpse of Somerset publications, to the glass case holding beautiful examples of all kinds of mixed media art,  CeCe suddenly knew she had found her mother’s present. CeCe and Bonnie tentatively flew in the store. They were hesitant at first, as birdies are not welcome everywhere. They were both put at ease right away though as Kim, one of the owners, smiled broadly as she saw them and welcomed them to the store. After Kim’s greeting they quickly made there way to the back of the store where Jennifer, the other owner, was working on a new display arrangement. Bonnie liked Jennifer’s earrings. They were glitzy and looked like some she had seen in the old movies her family liked to watch. As the two looked at Jennifer, Jennifer explained to them that nothing ever stayed the same for long at Mystic Paper, as new products  arrived all the time.  CeCe and Bonnie were already thinking this very thing as they had never seen a store quite like this one. It reminded CeCe exactly of what she had thought earlier about her mother’s teachings. Cherish the old and embrace the new.  

Jennifer then began introducing some of the products available at Mystic Paper...

7 Gypsies

Amate Studios

Basic Grey


Character Constructions

Cosmo Cricket

Crafty Secrets

Creative Imaginations

Graphic 45

Heidi Swapp

Jenni Bowlin


Melissa Frances

Prima Flowers


Rusty Pickle

Somerset Legacy Magazines

Stamper’s Anonymous

Tattered Angels 

Tim Holtz Rubber Stamps ” 

Kim, coming from the front and hearing the conversation noted all the vintage euphemism that’s mixed in just for fun.

“But how can just the two of you do all you do?”, asked Bonnie. Kim was proud to announce that Mystic Paper has a great design team and wonderful teachers who are always dreaming up inspirational ideas for everyone. You can see some of the ideas and keep up with us on the store’s web site and blog. Many of our customers become our friends. This is more than just a store. It’s a place to stop and smell one’s dreams. Dreams of the past, the present and the future.  CeCe and Bonnie smiled. What better present could she give her mother, for her birthday, than a place to dream, create, and make new friends. She thought to herself, Thank you, Mystic Paper. Thank you for already fulfilling my dream of giving my mother the best gift of all.  Then CeCe and Bonnie flew home as fast as they could to wrap the Mystic Paper gift certificate in time for the birthday celebration.

I am not a bird but one of the many customers of Mystic Paper who has had the honor of becoming a friend. Do your heart, hands, and eyes a favor. Visit Mystic Paper, a real dreamy art store!