Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Yesterday, All My Problems Seemed So Close At Hand

Now it looks as though I'm stuck in sand--- quick sand---

The Beatle's song is much more poetic but yesterday the problems weren't far away.

It finally happened. Amber called Chandler yesterday and told him she was taking him away. Randy heard him scream and start crying. I don't even remember where I was at the time. I think I was out back watering.I did not hear it. Randy got me though and said we had to talk to Chandler. We told him we would make her call the police and he would probably be forced to go with her but we would do our best to protect him. He said he was staying in his room with Philip and he was closing his door and the door in the hall, at the steps, so he could not hear.

Amber came. When I came down from upstairs from getting the boys situated she was on the porch screaming at her dad and telling us to get Chandler. Profanities profusely flowing. We told her he did not want to go with her and her response was," Too bad. She said she was calling the police. Randy told her to go ahead-call them. It became obvious she did not want to make the call but finally did because we were not budging. She did not give them her name except for Amber-- no last name--- The police and court have her listed as Kelly, her first name. She screamed and yelled in our front yard to the point someone in the neighborhood must have called the home owner's association, as a car with their logo drove slowly by a couple of times looking at us all. We were sitting on the porch while Amber was in the yard. Shortly thereafter, two deputy sheriffs from the county arrived in separate cars. Randy and I were sitting on the porch. I will try to cut to some bottom lines.
Both deputies knew her.
Both deputies were sympathetic with us and talked at length with us inside the house with Amber outside.
Both deputies tried to give us ideas====one of which told us he would call CPS and go see Judge at the Pinetop court to try to get emergency custodial rights. 
They told us they hated it but they had no choice but to make Chandler go with her. We knew this would happen but we had to show him support in making her call the police to take him from us.

She wanted money. She claimed she had cashed the money order because the rent amount was not correct. She said she had not immediately gone back and done this despite the fact the bank gave him a receipt when he went to cancel the other two which shows the exact time it was cashed. 

Randy offered to go with her to the apartment complex right then and there to get her in an apartment. She refused. She said she was waiting two months on an apartment she could get for $120. She said she needed the money to pay a friend to be able to stay there. She kept saying we had caused this whole thing.

  We made the decision using Chandler as a hostage had to change. We were advised by two different law enforcement people to stop giving her money. We made the decision to call CPS and go to the court.

  The sheriff talked to Chandler, at length, giving him his card. We gave Chandler my cell phone charger, which also fits his phone, so he would be able to keep his phone charged. We made him repeat Grandy's cell phone number to us even though we knew he had it memorized. We told him if something happened to his cell or his mother took it from him, to get to a phone somehow and call Grandy. He said he understood. With a tear streaming down his face and mine he was escorted out to her.

  CPS- Whirlwind around the path that was so frustrating I was a wreck.Did no good. Because we had been taking care of him, along with Maria, Amber had not had him. Therefore we could not prove that Amber was not meeting his needs, as his needs were being met because she had left him with us to take care of him. We could not file a case against her until we could prove that where she was keeping him was not safe, or he was not being fed, or his medical needs were not being met. I just will leave it at that. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh----- After this phone call, ----

  Off to court. Judge will be out until Monday-- is at a conference--But all custodial cases are taken care of in Holbrook, anyway. We were given their number. The clerks that helped us were great and without saying specifics I will just relay, of course, Amber was well known by them and again, much sympathy given to us.  Randy called Holbrook but had to leave a message as no one answered. By this time it was four in the afternoon.

   Earlier yesterday, after Amber called the police on us,  Maria was called at work and had to leave work to give Amber access to the house. Remember, Amber has five judicial days to access the house. The last day should be this coming Monday. Ria ( Maria and Ria are one and the same ) waited at the house, with a police officer on Amber to come. She did not show up after much time had lapsed. The police officer left but told Maria to call back if Amber showed up. 

  After leaving the courthouse in Lakeside we went by Ria's to look at what had been painted thus far. The paint color looks great and the house is on it's way to being cleaned up and made livable again. Maria's dad had arrived from the valley. He is helping her paint and work on the house this week. Her mother and nephew are coming up on Friday.

  Ria called Chandler. Amber had dropped him off at Eric's--remember the friend he had stayed with the last time she took him? We all felt better knowing where he was and that he was playing with a friend.

  Later in the evening, Amber showed up at the house. Ray, Maria's dad called the police to come and be present. They came. Amber had Maria call us and tell us she had gotten a hotel room for the next four days and she would file a petition to repeal the eviction if we did not give her the money. She told Maria she wanted her to call us while she was there.

   Maria is now just wanting us to pay Amber the money. She doesn't want to deal with the damages to the house. A week ago she wanted us not to give money to Amber and asked us if there was any way she could use some of the money to fix up the house. A week later, with Amber's cries and pleas, and harassment she just wants to be done with it. She, She, She, She------
Randy told me she told him she doesn't want Chandler in a hotel room. HELLO??????  Does she really think Amber will use the money to take care of Chandler and get a place to live? Randy offered yesterday to go with Amber to the apartment complex---- HELLO?????
She doesn't see that Amber has not lived up to her part of the agreement yet , even if the house had not been damaged, which of course it was. You saw the pictures. Amber's things are still at the house and much of her things had to be packed up  by Maria and friends and moved to the garage. Amber has not been there to pack anything. Amber is not completely out of the house. 
She doesn't see that this will not put an end to it.
She doesn't see that every time Amber is given money it enables her to continue her behavior and is not in Chandler's best interest.
She doesn't see that letting Amber control everyone with threats ---- She, She, She-----
Randy told Maria Amber should not be given any money, regardless, until after the five days have elapsed since Amber is totally untrustworthy. Maria said Amber needs the money now. She needs gas money. At this point I will use one of Amber's favorite words-- UNBELIEVABLE-- Of course when Amber uses it these days she has another word she puts in front of unbelievable. Maria said she did not think Amber would file the repeal. Again, UNBELIEVABLE----  Maria goes from being rational about Amber to feeling sorry for her and enabling. It is just so hard for me I can't see straight.
It is just like at Easter when I listened to Maria for thirty minutes in the bedroom saying she was DONE giving Amber money, etc. DONE and then I got a call later in the afternoon and she was feeling sorry for Amber again.
 Right this minute I wish I could wash my hands of both of them.

Randy and I are at odds. The stress of yesterday and today has been overwhelming. We have always been on the same page when it has come to dealing with Amber. I can't tell you how difficult it was for me when she was a teenager, having to make her responsible for her actions and calling the police and on and on and on--- but I did it. I did it because it was what we were told by Tough Love, Self Help books, counseling and numerous other authority figures was the best thing for Amber and everyone else involved. Now though we have a third person involved and --------

Maria just called. Amber and Chandler were on their way over to the house to get some board games to play in the hotel room tonight. More button pushing. Amber told Maria she has court in the morning ( we have no idea what this court appearance is for as it is not showing up on any of the paper work we were given by the court concerning all of the charges )and will drop Chandler off at the house. Maria's father, Ray, will then bring him to us. Maria will pick him up after she gets off work at one. Maria told us Chandler wants to spend the night with Ria tomorrow night and Amber is letting him. It is actually good news as we will know he is safe tomorrow. Once again though, no dobt in my mind, it is another ploy. She has not been given money yet and it is one of her ways of keeping the button pushing going---  See, Maria, I am trying. I am trying. Tell my parents to give me money.  

Randy is as frustrated as I am but in different ways. I am adamant that I will not give my blessing to paying Amber money right now. While he knows giving Amber money is not the thing to do he is willing to go along with Maria. He has his own exasperation's with this whole situation, of which I will not expound on at this time. At this very moment we are both sorry we ever bailed out the house. We are sorry we ever bought this house in Pinetop. We are wishing we could sell both houses in Arizona and run away to the beach somewhere and have Chandler come visit for the summers. BUT
 I know all too well, running away does not get rid of the issues. 
I know all too well, as hard as I try, right now my heart is not peaceful.
I know all too well, each person involved in this life experience is dealing from his/her own perspective and given the circumstances doing the best he or she can do.
I also know,all too well, as I have been reminded more than once by some very appreciated comments, eventually, this too shall pass. 
I know all too well it is the eventually that is the hard part, as I do not like living in the moment, at this moment. 
But this moment too shall pass.

Just so you know, I did, just get a piece of good news. You will have to stay tuned for a later segment of this continuing soap opera. 
I am sure you know, all too well, I will be posting again! 




Jennifer and Kim said...

CeCe, I just wish I could give you a great big hug right now. So, go tell Randy to give you one for me. hehe! K

Make It 2 Instead Of 1 said...

I do not know if you remember me but I have been a friend of Maria's for well over 25 years now. The last time that I saw you was at the scrapbook store when we both took a class from Pam Black. Anyway, I have been reading this very personal and painful blog for some time now and have wanted to comment for a while.
My heart goes out to you and husband for ALL that you have endured throughout this horrible ordeal.
Upon reading the Wednesday post I was so happy to hear that you have finally stopped the money flow to Amber!!! You are both correct she is and will only continue to hold Chandler hostage as long as you both supply her with endless funds. I saw Chandler recently and he is a bright boy with so much potential. With time and council he will come to understand all that has passed in his brief life. Please hold your ground and do NOT give her any more money. This is the only way that you and Randy will gain custody of Chandler.
Amber will quickly realize that her bluff has finally been called, she is no longer capable of being his mother. And I am sure at this point in her life she does not want to be. He truly is just a means to a end, the money. I know that you are both doing the best that you can given the legal system and everything else that has been place upon you. You have an incredible marriage that has endured some of the most horrible things. I wish you both all of the best.

Linda S. Socha said...

I came to your blog to say thanks for the lovely comment on Psyche Connections and to touch base with you aboout MTSU and living in Murfreesboro. I enjoy exchanging blog following links and wanted to invite you to do so.

I have lived and worked in Murfreesboro a long time

On reading your current post my thoughts and my heart are with you. What a difficult situation.

Come back and visit. Let me hear from you. I am sending you thoughts and hope for much more smooth sailing in the current situation

Judy said...

Without a doubt this tears at my heart -- for you and Randy, and for poor Chandler who is caught in the middle of this terrible life experience. I so wish I had some sage advice that would put an end to this craziness you are enduring. Please take care of yourself.

Just for my clarification, just what is the relationship between Ria and Amber? I haven't been able to pick up on that. Sorry!

Hugs, Cece!! Judy

CeCe said...

I do remember you. I can specifically remember Amber and I working together on a hand painted canvas bag to hold shower gifts for you. That was a happier time. Thank you so much for your kindness of posting. I so appreciate your support. Especially after this difficult post concerning my frustrations with everyone, including your dear friend. CeCe