All of my life until about three years ago, I weighed no more than 110 pounds. Now I struggle to stay below 120 pounds. I know, not that bad but remember everything is relative! Most of the time I weighed between 100 and 105. My friends have always struggled with their weight. We are flooded with diet news in almost every woman's magazine. I am reminded continuously ,of late, standing in line at the grocery store, looking at the display of magazines, about Oprah and Christie gaining back weight. I actually know how I stayed thin all my life. It was my image of myself. I was aware of every bite I took. I didn't have to obsess about it, it was just part of my being. You see, I never wanted to overhear the words come out of some one's mouth,"Oh My, Look how much weight CeCe has gained." Lately, I am still aware of the food going in my body but I just don't seem to care. It is like I tell myself I deserve it. I love the texture of the food. I love the color on my plate. I love the sensation it gives my taste buds. While I have that food in my mouth there is a part of my body that feels satisfied and happy. Yes, I have a happy mouth! Trouble is, if I choose to continue this thought process of deserve, I will soon have a troubled tummy. It is already too poochy for me. Yes, it is getting time to figure out Deserve Has Nothing To Do With It! Yes, there is something about too much food that speaks sadness and destruction.
What Is It About Alcohol That Is So Appealing?
For most of my life I was the lightweight when it came to drinking alcohol. In fact, it wasn't until I was in my thirties and found myself single again that I even drank socially on a regular basis. Until a year ago I had never thrown up from drinking----then it happened. I was on the beach in Mexico and damn those Margaritas tasted so good. It was happy hour and the drinks were two for one. What a deal! Smile. There is something about alcohol that speaks of party mode. There is something about alcohol that speaks of glamour. There is something about alcohol that speaks of celebration. I love to see my Cosmopolitan sitting in my Waterford crystal ( Thank you Mom!) martini glass.
But yes there is something about too much alcohol that speaks sadness and destruction.
What Is It About Smoking That Grabs One By The Pack?
I started smoking when I was in college. I stopped smoking over twenty years ago. I stopped several times before I made it for more than a couple of months. I loved smoking. Those cigarettes were my best friend. My best friend was killing me though. Sick--Sick--Sick. Over and over again. I loved the feel of holding the cigarette in my hand. I loved the act of slowing bringing it to my mouth and flipping my head back. I am old enough to have watched the movies of the glamorous movie stars smoking those cigarettes on the big screen and I am sure that is where my fascination with the facade began. There is something about even one cigarette that speaks sadness and destruction.
What Is It About Telling Or Hearing A Story That Is So Enticing?
I was looking at My Artistic Side's Blog again this morning. Judy has been taking an online class about fabric collage. The ladies who have been taking this class have been creating some amazing pieces of art. You can view Judy's art here. Judy has been featuring pages from a fabric book she has created. Today's pages feature a woman that rode broncs and wore pantaloons while riding. She lived in the early 1900's. It just reminded me of how much I enjoy hearing about other people's lives and especially women who lived before my generation.
I can remember when I was in the fifth grade my favorite books to read were biographies. It was a time when we all had individual desks and they were lined up in rows. During history class I was supposed to be reading from the history book. I held the book on the desk and used the history book as a holder for the smaller in size biography I was reading. I can specifically remember the teacher looking up and asking me if I was reading my history. I did not answer. I just raised the history book up in the air to show her the book. I can also remember feeling so guilty over what I had done that I started reading history from then on----
The sadness and destruction of story telling seems only to be when the stories told are not true but are represented as true.
What Is It About Old Wives Tales Or Superstitions That Sometimes We Secretly Believe?
Last night, Texas played in the final game of the College World Series. My husband is a graduate of the University of Texas. Needless to say we were rooting for Texas to win. I am not a huge sports fan but I pay closer attention when Texas is playing. This series was made more interesting to me by the coach for Texas, Augie Garrido. I think the gentleman is 70 years old and I hope I spelled his name correctly. What I do know, for sure, is the gentleman is someone for which I would want my grandchild to play ball. As I heard what he would say in interviews I became more impressed with his style and demeanor of life. Texas lost the series last night. When the reporter, immediately after the game, asked Augie what he would say to his team about the loss Augie responded he was not sure yet. He then added though that over the years he had watched many boys who had come in second, in important ball games, go on in life to be very successful in whatever their endeavors. Many of these boys did not ever want to feel the taste of coming in second again.
As I also watched this game, I started telling my husband to be prepared. The way our lives had been going, it would be a miracle if Texas won the game. I told him if Texas won the series and became the champions, then it meant things were going to start going our way. I wasn't serious, of course, but trying to joke and have some fun. I certainly hope I did not put a sad and destructive jinx on them!
1. Amber did not call us yesterday at all. This is very strange, indeed, since the day before she was asking for money. She is usually relentless.
2. Not impressed with the new attorney. $250. an hour. He is on vacation for a week starting today. We saw him yesterday. He was going to call someone in CPS that had been with CPS for over 25 years. He thought they should be involved. He told me he thought the person I talked to on the phone with CPS had wrongly accessed the case. He also said the supervisor he was calling was often out of town at meetings, conferences, etc. He might not be able to talk to her until he returned from his trip in a week. Remember that WAIT word?
I could go into detail as to why neither Randy nor I was impressed but it does not matter. If CPS gets involved and we actually get somewhere I will take back all reservations in my mind about this attorney and his $250. an hour fee. If CPS does not get involved then we WAIT for a conviction. The sad and destructive thing for all involved is from what I have seen so far with the justice system, I don't see that happening.
BUT--- as Augie so aptly pointed out---one defeat can lead to other victories.