Sunday, February 7, 2010

Finally Happened

When: Yesterday around 1:30
Where: Father's Home
What: Broke his 88 year old hip
How: Fell
Why: ?? Because like all of us, he was a little careless reaching for the phone and he fell.

It is so hard letting people be who they want to be.
Especially when people want to be who they want to be but want you to be who they want you to be. Now there is a sentence for you. Did you follow all of that?
As I have described my dad over and over and over again-
My dad was a Colonel in the Air Force and if you do not jump BEFORE he tells you to jump, it is too late.

Let me interpret for you.
My father, my stubborn father, beyond words stubborn, would not, will not, go to an assisted living facility. By golly, he is going to die in his home.
He does not need a life line alert. He will use his cell phone.
Well, who does he call-- Is it 911?
Of course not, it is us.
Us, who are in Pinetop.
What does he want when he calls, as he is literally moaning in pain, on the phone?
He wants to know if Randy is in the valley. Now I took my dad to supper on Thursday night, of last week, and told him I was driving to Pinetop on Friday and Randy would probably be driving down on Monday, for a break, in the valley.
Why did he want to know if Randy was in the valley?
So Randy could come feed the dog-- he could not walk.
"Dad", I say," you need to call 911". "Awh, I don't know what I'll do. Bla, Bla, Bla." he says. Then he says he'll call his next door neighbors to feed the dog.
And so the conversation goes until I hang up after telling him he best be calling 911 or getting his neighbor to take him to the hospital. If his hip is broken, it is only going to get worse.

Fast forward:
His neighbor ends up taking him to the hospital because he won't call 911.
His hip is broken. Surgery is today at one o"clock.

We knew this was what would happen. We were just waiting.
Now we will wait some more.
Wait to see how the surgery goes.
Wait to see if Randy can get to the valley tomorrow, from our house in Pinetop. It is snowing again and we do not have four wheel drive. It is always worse, at our house, because we are so high.
Wait to see, eventually, if the social worker can talk any sense into him---
Ha! The last time my mother was in the hospital, before her death, there was a meeting with a hospital psychiatrist, the social worker, my dad and myself. My dad was actually on some of his best behavior. After the meeting, in the afternoon, the social worker called me at home. Why? She wanted to check on me as she was concerned about me after the meeting with my dad. Seems they had never dealt with a more stubborn person, unwilling to hear the presented facts, as my dad. I laughed and told her my dad had been on good behavior with them.

Wait to see if anything changes. My guess is I already know the answer to this one--

I totally understand that I need to let him be who he wants to be.
The choices he makes for himself do not have to affect the choices I make for myself.
I am 62 years old and while I have stopped trying to figure out when it is time to jump, before he tells me to jump, I am still waiting to figure out how to not feel guilty about it.

My guess is, I am not alone in this waiting game!


Chia said...

Letting go is so very hard, isn't it? I'll cross what's left of my fingers and hope that this time your dad is the one who learns to let go a bit (of his independence and pride). I think I already know a silly old broken hip won't be enough to bring him to that point, but I'll hope anyway. Try not to let the (misplaced) guilt give you too much pain.

Judy said...

It's not your fault! Your dad is a stubborn man. He may well end up in an assisted living facility -- like it or not. You may have to be the one to make that decision for him (are you an only child??). After all, what can he do about it if he can't take care of himself?

I am sending my love to you.

(((HUGS)))) Judy

Paris Cowgirl said...

Oh CeCe, how I can relate to every word you have spoken. Talk with the doctors about enlisting Hospice. They may be able to step in with a Social Worker and help for your dad. They helped us tremendously. I know how this can wreck havoc on your own personal life. Please take care of yourself too. Hugs xoxo