Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Maybe it is my age. I am not sure. I like to have my type large. That, however, is not what I am frustrated about. Here is the frustration-

I have been trying to post the outside pictures to the cottage I have been sharing. I have to do this on my old computer as the pictures are loaded on that computer. Well, there is a reason I purchased a new computer and it is being confirmed over and over again. I have twice uploaded pictures only to have them never "DONE", for upload, before a message appears on my screen telling me the website can not be found. I am now giving up since my tech guy is not here. This will be a rambling post as I have decided to just chat awhile since I am at a loss about the pictures----

New Computer: On my list of things to accomplish during the first month of the year was get a new one. The old one is so slow and on and on that--
I started researching. Personal friends and family told me once they worked on a MAC they would never go back to a PC. Randy, ( husband/tech guy ) decided to give it a whirl. I would be the Guinna pig. I am a lap top girl. I started looking at all the options on Macs and decided to get the newest, smallest lap top and load it up with memory and speed. I also decided to buy the extended warranty. The biggest negative, so far, to the Apple, was the cost!!!!! There were two deciding factors in making the final decision. One of these was that the apple will run the windows operating system. I figured the worst that could happen is I would have paid a bunch of money to run windows if I did not like the apple operating system. Now, for the very important part. The keys are quiet. Yep, that's right. The keys do not make a loud clicking sound. My husband is a little anal when it comes to noise and a few other items. As I write this though, I am hearing the space bar click and this concerns me.  I have not done much at all on my new computer. We ( meaning my husband) set it up and I watched, or was close by) I am able to email and basic tasks but my pictures and data have not been transferred. I have not a clue how to go about doing this. 
Watching my husband set up my computer and fix little glitches about my email, etc. has also caused my anxiety. I don't know what I would do without him. I have a built in tech guy. I hate to admit this but I think it is the thing that makes me the most panicked when I think about losing him ( well, you know, besides loving him, companionship and all those other important relationship things) I have not been using a computer that long and it is so very obvious all of the things I do not know. It seems I have to have help almost every day. I know I control my thoughts so I will just have to practice not thinking about it. I am doing the best that I can in all areas of my life right now and there are much worse things to have anxiety about. Not being able to post on my blog should not be high priority--right???!!!

Now, some of you know and others don't but all will soon--there is a LOT, and yes, I am shouting the word LOT of family stress in our lives right now. Might elaborate about this more at a later time but the jest of this message is this---
I was on a low dose of Paxil for a couple of years. I loved it. Just took the edge off of life's little ( and helped with the big) stresses. One gets older and hormones change, in us women. Am convinced this occurs with men too but not on men right now. For some ridiculous notion I decided to try life without it. After all, I never was on the drug for major depression. Figured it would just be one less pill to buy and swallow. I will not go into the problems encountered with the withdrawal process of going off this drug. Not my purpose at the moment.  My purpose is this. Just as there was a reason for buying a new computer, there was a reason I was taking medication for anxiety.  Also, little did I know, a major time for anxiety ridden family difficulties, was on the horizon. Back to the Dr. On Well Butrin now for about three weeks. I am happy to report I am now able to get through most days without crying and again able to know things are what they are and my husband and I can only do the best that we can in dealing with them. 
By the way, I am a big fan of counseling also. Counselors help people by giving them the tools to help themselves. We have had the same family counselor for over twenty four years. When we started in counseling our daughter was preteen. During the early years, with our daughter, we were in intensive counseling for a long time. Now we just go back every now and then for a booster shot. 
I am advocating treating one's mind with the same respect one treats one's body.     
I did not start out thinking I would post about this today. It just spilled out of my hands.
My guys have just come in from snowboarding so I will close. This means I will not be pouring over and questioning what I have written. Hope it makes a little bit of sense!

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