Friday Update

Hammock Completely Down on One Side

First Rose of the Season

Amber Faces

1. Two Misdemeanor charges in which they are asking jail time. Trial 6/25. She was appointed a public defender yesterday.

2. A Felony summons involving destruction of a Taxi cab. Should turn into a warrant in a few days.

3. Open case on ramming x-boyfriends truck, and an open case on a hit and run with the P. T. Cruiser. Open case on fraud filed by Ria for Amber  opening Paypal, Verizon and Cableone accounts in Ria's  name. And possible case to be filed, by Ria, for destruction of the house.

It has been indicated to us Amber will most likely be looking at a minimum of a year in a county jail, if not prison time. This will be the key in getting custody of Chandler. It is a waiting game. As we have been told by the detective, the criminal justice system is SLOW.

Randy is now at the bank getting money orders for the apartment . Amber told Randy she was stopped for a broken windshield and cannot get her truck registered until the repair takes place. Randy told her he would go to the car shop and pay the bill for the windshield. Randy also  told her we would be getting an estimate on the damages to the house being repaired and if there was any balance when the repair estimate was subtracted from the $2,500. he would pay it in rent to the apartment complex. We suspect there will not be another month's rent due as she will most likely be in jail but again, the process is slow and it seems Amber has a way of avoiding what would put most of us in custody with the blink of an eye.

The good news is----- Ria has started the process of getting the house cleaned up. Dumpster, etc. Hopefully priming the walls will start very soon so Chandler can go to the house. He has a trampoline, a tether ball, and a basketball hoop there so it will encourage him to be outside playing more as opposed to being glued to the computer ( much like his Gramce- smile ) or video games. His best friend is back from CA and we will have the boys today. Chandler's last ball game is tonight and Phillip is spending the night.

Today I am working on my gift packaging. The sun is shinning outside and I have the doors open, finally. This has been a very strange June for Pinetop, AZ.  Cool temperatures and not a lot of sunshine. Ready for some sunshine to stay!

Well, might as well keep this update as current as possible. Grandy just came home with the boys. He told me things went alright at the bank but the money orders were not specifically made out to the apartment complex. He said Amber did leave the bank and go straight to the complex. 

Upon talking to Ria when he picked up the boys he learned Amber broke into the house last night and spent the night there. 

Ria also told Grandy Amber asked her if she thought Grandy would pay for hair extensions!!!

Go Away

It just doesn't go away. Make it go away. Just make it go away, our bodies scream!

Amber left a message to call her so we could discuss everything.=====Our minds think discuss what? There is nothing to discuss. The deal was $2,500 to sign the quit claim deed and then another $2,500. when you have vacated the premises. Not that we would pay her money to vacate the premises. Not that she could destroy the house and then have us pay her to vacate the premises. 

Randy called her back and left a message. She did not call us back. We were shocked at this.

Last night neither of us wanted to go to Chandler's ball game because we knew she would be there and confront us. Exactly what happened. As soon as we arrived she pounced.She had her paper work for the apartments. $980. for move in. Continued to deny doing damage but continued to say she would prime the whole house. Maria had said she did not want Amber in the house working. Maria vacillates as to what to do. Randy vacillates as to what to do. Though it saddens me to the depth of my innards ( how do you like that word instead of soul? Sorry, it is early, I have had a good night's sleep ( took a pill ) and I am dealing pretty good this morning. Needed a little humor.)  I think the thing to do is what Tough Love taught us and not enable. There is no doubt were she out of the house and had she not destroyed the house _ (I don't think I even posted a picture of the next door neighbors fence being torn down ( of course Amber says she had nothing to do with this, as well ) we would give her the money.  Randy told her we would think about it. He also told her he did not trust a word that came out of her mouth and he never would again, to which she replied,"Alright".

She sat on one side of the field and we sat on the other. Near the end of the game, Maria went over to say good bye to Chandler. She did not feel well and she needed to go lock up the house. She had unlocked it in the morning so Amber could get to her things during the day. Later in the night, Maria told us when she went over to the dug out to say goodbye to Chandler Amber approached in a little panic and said, " My parents aren't leaving, are they?" I had to go to the restroom. When I came back there was Amber, behind the bleachers talking to Grandy. She was behind the bleachers talking upward. Luckily there were not other people immediately by us. Grandy told her he would go to the apartment complex and pay the monies to get her in the apartment. He then would consider paying the rest of the money to her by paying her rent for the next three months. This was with the stipulation that she get the house primed. She balked at the offer. She said she needed her car fixed and the deal was $5,000. for the quit claim deed. Grandy reminded her that was not the deal. It was a two part deal and she had only lived up to the first part. She then accused her father, Grandy of cheating her. I have never known my husband to cheat a soul out of a penny. She also told us she would have no choice ,if we did not give her the money, but to move to the valley and live with Michael and she was not leaving Chandler up here. I said not a word and Grandy looked straight at her and did not blink an eye. She then once more accused him of not telling the truth. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh--think for Grandy it was the straw that broke the camel's back. He then quietly said to her," Amber, I did tell the truth and have held up the deal as it was and further more, " Where is the $10,000. you stole from us and said you would pay back?" She ignored this comment, of course. Game was over and she walked off. 

Chandler came over to us as we had his fishing pole in the car for him. The kid, Eric, where he and Amber were staying has a pond near by. He wanted his pole. He was his usual darling self. He said he would talk to us today. Wed. has always been one of our nights on the schedule to have him.

Interestingly, my husband pointed out to me she did not mention the cancer. Grandy said normally she would have used that against us for sympathy. He is now thinking she does not have cancer.

When Maria went to the house to lock up she checked the mail box. Amber has still not retrieved her mail which means she has not seen the certified letter about eviction, nor the summons for court on the felony. As of last night she had not been served with the second phase of the eviction notice.

Grandy thinks there is a chance today she will call back and say she will take the deal.

  Chandler is our number one concern but her holding him hostage is never going to end until she is in jail and we have enough legal mambo jumbo to get custodial rights. Do we give into the fear of her taking Chandler? He will throw a fit. She has not been taking care of him for ????? how long? We are so hoping the legal system will come through and she will be incarcerated so this continuous stress can go away and we can get Chandler some counseling, etc. We will see what today brings. 

Tomorrow is her hearing for the two charges she was arrested for and released on her on recognisance. Grandy had mistakenly told me it was today.

Michale, the man she mentioned moving in with in the valley is a friend from her childhood. I think I mentioned him months ago. They hooked back up just about the time this entire fiasco started. Michael is a good guy. His mother was often a huge help to us when Amber was functioning as a teen, like she is now. Diana once bought a strand of pearls from Amber that she was going to hawk. I bought them back from Diana. These were the add a pearl strands that had been a baby present when Amber was born. I eventually gave them back to Amber, at some point during the years she was functioning. Now, of course, I regret it. Not sure if she has the necklace or not.

Have I mentioned that Chandler's Wei is now gone? It was the only thing he had to do at the house when he was there with Amber. The Wei traveled between Ria's and Ambers. Well, it is gone--nowhere to be found. First it was his Xbox360 and now it is his Wei.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh----I think I am going to try to locate Diana and talk to her. My hope is Michael is still the great kid he was as a young person. I am sure Amber is misleading him with her stories. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh----

When we went to bed last night Grandy was a little better. He told me he was trying to hold on to the thought that this would all turn out as it is supposed to and we are doing the best we can do. It just seems like the best we can is not good enough sometimes. I know it is though and eventually, yes, eventually, this will go away.

Tuesday's Chronicle

Court: 

 Judge took off the order of protection. Said there was not enough evidence of harassment to justify the order. He told Maria and Amber they needed to work out amicably Amber getting her things from the house. Maria told the judge she had tried to do that the day before but Amber would not participate. Amber told the judge she should have renter's rights. The judge then asked Maria if there was a lease or if Amber was paying rent. Of course Maria said no. Maria told the judge Amber wanted Maria to give her keys to the house and Maria was not going to do so. The judge did not tell Maria she had to. He just repeated they needed to work out an agreeable arrangement for Amber to get her things.

After this hearing Amber looked at the judge and asked him when the next hearing was concerning the other order of protection against her. The judge told Amber to ask the clerk.

Last night I started thinking about this question to the judge. A crystal clear revelation came to me. I know I have thought this before but it was like looking through a windshield that was muddy and had just been cleaned. Amber craves attention. All of her life she has created situations for attention. For eighteen years she turned the desire for attention into positive societal endeavors. Now, as in her teenage years, she is getting attention through negative endeavors. Attention. She must be in the midst of attention.

Maria went to the house and unlocked it. Amber told her she was not getting out of the house until she got her money. She also told Maria she needed to get the utilities turned on. She continued to hold to the story she did not do the writing in the house and she was willing to prime everything to have everyone hold up to their part of the bargain.

Grandy and Chandler came home from fishing. Boo Hoo--- no fish. Chandler caught one and got it almost to the boat and it got away. He caught one more but it was too small to keep. Grandy did not get a single bite. They enjoyed their boat fishing anyway. 

Amber was called as agreed on the day before. She came to pick him up. When she came in she told him they would have to sleep on the floor where she was staying. She asked him if he wanted her to bring him back to our house. He asked her if that was alright. She told him if it was alright with us. Yeah, right----like it wouldn't be for heaven sakes. Anyway, she told him tonight, Tuesday night, they could stay at a friends house, of Chandler's, where there would be a bed. As it turns out, this is interesting--- this is a child that exchanged phone numbers with Chandler one night after one of Chandler's baseball games. Eric, the child in question, was on the rival team. Ria, Grandy and I met the mother ,in the parking lot, as the kids were talking to one another and exchanging numbers. Now it seems, Amber knows this mother in some fashion--even enough to be spending the night there. 

Well--anyway--- onward with this saga. Amber turned to Grandy and said again she needed the money. She said she told Maria she is willing to do whatever it takes to fix the house up to get everyone to keep the bargain made. She told him she needs a new carburetor for her truck and the money to get an apartment so she has a place to raise her son. Chandler and Amber left to go look at apartments. Grandy and I went to bed for a nap. 

 

I had a hard time sleeping. I got up about 2:30. To my surprise Chandler was on the couch with his computer in tow. He told me they had gone to look at some apartments and then couldn't think of anything else to do so she had brought him back to our house. I think she must have had him not more than two hours. 

Tonight Chandler has a baseball game at 6:30. The game will be over about 8:15. Amber is getting him after the game to go to Eric's.

Yesterday, Maria started the second stage of getting Amber evicted from the house. The five days she had to wait after sending a certified letter was up yesterday. She had to pay $100. to have papers served to Amber. We imagine when these papers are served there will be more mayhem. After the papers are served there is another waiting period of some kind before the police are able to go to the house and remove her from the premises. I also am not sure what is going to happen regarding any of this since the locks are changed and Maria has to now let her in the house to get her things. I think this is just a formal process that must take place in order for Ria to move back into the house with no legal ramifications.

If you are confused as you read this mess, you are normal. We are living it and it is confusing to us. So confusing in fact, my dear husband was the most depressed yesterday that I have ever seen him. His faith in the court system is low at the moment. He sees the horror of Amber using Chandler to try to make us feel sorry for her so she will get the $2500, even though the house was destroyed. He doesn't see an end in sight to this mess. Living in the moment yesterday was very difficult for him, as there weren't many moments filled with joy---bless his heart---he was even sad about being a poor fisherman.

 I keep holding on to the fact that this just cannot continue---surely, surely, surely, one of these offenses will lead to her being incarcerated. I know the next couple of weeks will be crucial in how some of this plays out. Amber has a court hearing this Thursday for the two charges the judge released her on the other day. It has also been a week since the summons for the felony was sent so it should just be another week before the warrant is issued for that offense. 

  Chandler is a bright boy. He is aware of much that is going on with his moms and us. However, as much as he knows the situation, he also wants his mommy Amber to be alright. Kids are loyal beyond all sensibility to their parents.  As I have said over and over, Amber is the best verbal con artist we have ever seen. She can honestly convince a black wall that it is white. As adults, we get confused and off track at times with her skills of delusion. An eleven year old does not stand a chance in sorting through the mess and totally turning his back on the mother that once played with him, sang with him, loved on him, laughed with him. I am sure Chandler just keeps holding on to the hope that his mom of old and all of us will just wake up one morning and all be a happy family again. I don't know what it would take for him to totally get it and be able to tell a judge he wants to be with us and not his mother. Especially if she was in the courtroom. She is intimidating. I hate to be around her. In fact, I just promised my husband I would not disappear into the bathroom and leave him to fend for himself alone against her. I must admit I did this yesterday. It is just so very unnerving to be in her company.

Chandler went to school with Ria today. Grandy is back in bed sleeping off a headache. I am about to work on product for my packaging business. I am creating more little houses out of gable boxes. These houses are especially fun for me as I know that cute, darling objects will be living inside them----not people with shattered lives.

Don't worry- I just liked the way that shattered lives line sounded for the story. Yes, our lives are a constant challenge right now but Grandy and I have the tools to reconstruct the broken pieces and we have the best life glue on the market --- strong beliefs, knowledge resulting from counseling, and great love for one another and life.

Till the next segment I remain gratefully yours-

Second Post of the Day

This is my second post today and to keep up I should be adding to this post or posting a third time but I need and want a break. Sooooooo--- I am taking one! I will continue this story at a future sitting.

Saturday night around 8:30 Maria called us. She called to say she had received a text message from Amber asking where Chandler was. She said she was picking him up the next day.By court order Amber is not to contact Maria.

Around the same time Amber started calling Chandler, on his phone, demanding that he give the phone to Maria, as she wanted to talk to Maria. Trying to make the situation as easy as possible, on Chandler, Maria took the phone. It is my understanding Amber told Maria she wanted Maria to move back into the house so Maria could secure the house. Amber told Maria she wanted to make things right and she would get the house returned to the condition it was in prior to the painting. I am not sure about the conversation from there except that Amber continued to contact Chandler incessantly until,on his own, he turned off his phone. 

Fast forward to Sunday morning. Due to the conversation with Amber the night before, Maria hired someone to go to the house and change the locks. She came by to drop off Chandler as she and her friend were going to the house to start the process of sweeping it out, cleaning out the refrigerator, etc.

Sometime during the morning we received a phone message from Amber. She indicated she was told by Maria she would need to talk to us. We assumed it was in regards to her being paid the $2,500 for vacating the property. We chose to ignore the call as we had no desire to talk to her.

 

In the afternoon, Grandy and Chandler went to buy stuff for their fishing trip, in the new boat, that was planned for this morning. They were also going to hit golf balls. I received a message from Amber. She had apparently been to the house and found the locks changed. The message was in the tone of the writing on the walls and told us we had ten minutes to return her call or she would send the police to Maria's house and ours to retrieve Chandler. I immediately called Grandy to tell him about the message. Grandy called Maria and told her he was going to call Amber. In about 30 minutes, Chandler and Grandy arrived back home. Chandler told me he was going upstairs so Grandy and I could talk. He simply does not want to be involved unless it is absolutely necessary.

 Grandy and I went out on the porch and Grandy told me the jest of the conversation which was that Amber continued to claim she had not done the writing ( despite my recognition of her hand writing and her admittance to part of it the night Maria found out about the writing and had the police at the house). She said she would take us to court, if necessary, to get the $2500. At that point Grandy told her to take us to court. Somehow though, he talked her into allowing Chandler to stay with us, for the night, and to go fishing in the morning. He told her Maria was willing to go to the house and unlock the door for her to retrieve what she wanted out of the house. 

In just a few minutes the phone rang again and it was Amber. She had changed her mind and was coming to get Chandler. She wanted a commitment that we would pay her the $2,500. There was much else said but that is the crux of the matter. As in the past, she wanted money. Up until this point, Maria was the one threatened concerning Chandler. It has now spread to us.In order to placate her and buy more time for Chandler, Grandy told her he would have to discuss it with me and he would think about it. She said she would call back in an hour. I am not sure how much time elapsed before the next call came from her. She was on another rampage.  Maria had gotten police to escort her to the house. Remember, Maria has an order of protection out against Amber ----which Amber has violated on more than one occasion. There is actually a court hearing this morning at 8:30 concerning the order of protection.

Any way, Amber told Grandy she was on her way to pick up Chandler. She would not listen to Grandy's pleas. Grandy and I went inside to talk to him. My heart was once again aching and afraid for him. Our plan, that had been formulated with the detective, about calling the police to arrest her ,if she came for him, no longer was in place since she had already been arrested earlier in the week and the judge had released her on her own recognisance, astonishing us all. Ahhhhhhhh--- and the next issue for arrest, for yet another crime, was not yet in place. Ahhhhhhh--- Continuously, Amber refuses to take responsibility for any of her actions. Every word that comes out of her mouth seems to be riddled with lies or reinventions of the truth at best. 

 

Chandler tells us he does not want to go with her. He is worried because Maria has his phone. Maria had taken his phone, as evidence, for the hearing this morning. We formulated the plan that he would take my phone so he could get in touch with us. We stayed as calm as we could when we talked to him. He said again he would tell he he did not want to go. He actually told us we were not sure she would even show up to get him.

She came. On the porch Grandy asked her again not to do this. She told Chandler to get his things. He asked her what she was going to do with him when she went to court. She said she would take him with her. He started crying and said he wanted to go fishing with Grandy. He said he did not want to go to court with her. She told him she would arrange for him to play with someone I did not recognize. Again, Chandler asked her to let him stay to go fishing. I calmly plead with her to let him stay. Money is brought up again. Chandler is on the porch with his grandfather's arms around him. He is whimpering like a wounded puppy. More garbage ( I like this word that the person used when commenting to me previously -- a good descriptive word ) is said by Amber and all of a sudden she looks at Chandler and says, " Alright, you can stay." Randy is supposed to call her when they come home from fishing. 

I am totally convinced the reason he was allowed to stay is because of the money. She thought by not taking him last night, it played better for her, in the scheme of getting the money.

 Needless to say, earlier in the day, golf did not take place, nor did getting the boat trailer's spare tire pumped up. Grandy took the tire as Chandler and I got supper ready. While Grandy was gone, Chandler and I had a brief but telling conversation about the earlier events. He seldom wants to address any of what is happening so I am thankful when he is willing to get some of it out. He told me he had thought deep down inside he would get to stay with us. I asked him why. His response was to look at all the times she had threatened for bad things to happen and then she did not carry through. He also told me he had wanted to say to her," If you really cared about me you would let me stay." I told him I thought that would have been a very appropriate thing for him to say and I asked him why he had not said it to her. He said he was afraid to say it. He did not know why but he was afraid. I told him I understood.

And so here we are this morning. A grandchild and grandfather are on their first fishing trip in their boat and as I type this Amber and Maria are in court. Maria is armed with pictures and phone texts, and evidence but Amber is armed with her wits, verbal skills and a profound sense of reinventing the truth and it is a powerful skill. A skill so powerful I have seen it time and time again win out over sense and logic. She told her father the judge had let her out this last time, on her own recognisance, because she was profusely throwing up. I guess the court did not have a bucket to give her--

just another free pass. 

Free passes eventually run out....... don't they?

During The Time

 During the time I have been blogging I have received many comments which have been supportive. I often feel like I am be carried along this recent path of life much the same as an army of ants carries a piece of food. One ant alone could not possibly carry the load but together the march is accomplished. Sometimes I get messages via email, telephone calls, some in person,  comments on my blog and some via the U.S. post office. What ever the channel, the feeling of gratitude I feel is of great magnitude. 

Today I am going to address two comments I have received which have not been uplifting. From the birth of my blog I have monitored my comments. This allows someone to contact me without actually having their comment published. It also allows me to supervise what is published. Since I am so open about my life I thought it appropriate to be open about these comments as well. I have given some thought to the messages and I am grateful for the thought provoking and emotions they have stirred in me. As in all things, taking a look from a different point of view is healthy and educational. It is also interesting to me the different emotions I have felt when I have read the comments which follow. Months have passed between receiving the  two.

 

The following comment came to me on April 2nd. As I recall it was left after my entry of Chicken Noodle Soup.

With all do respect, why would you post such personal things about your daughter and family on the Internet? Think of Chandler and what he will think when he reads this. I'm sorry but I just don't think it's worth it.

 This comment came from my nephew. I was not at all happy when I received it. I started to email him back saying, " With all due respect it is none of your business what I post on my blog."  At the time though, I thought this gave my nephew and his comment more validation and it was better left alone. You see my view of my nephew is not one of trustworthiness.  As my mother would say, my first thoughts were, "The Nerve Of Him". 

 Time went on and just day before yesterday I received the following comment which has the same tone as my nephew's earlier one. This comment was made by someone not identifying him or herself.

No mother in her right mind would blast someone like this in a public forum. You should be ashamed of your behavior and publicizing your daughters personal issues. You too should seek help for having the audacity to publish something so negative about your own child. Shame on you, god forbid your grandson read this garbage. He may end up in the same boat as you and your daughter.

Interestingly, when I read this comment I was not furious or upset. On Saturday I had spent the entire day reading a book titled The Anatomy of Peace. I purchased it on a whim. My girlfriend, Janice, was buying it. Something made me go back in the bookstore before we left the strip mall to purchase it for myself. I am grateful I followed  my inner voice that told me to do this. I think this book is a read of value for anyone.  I will not try to paraphrase the entire book, as it is quite involved. I look forward to having discussions with Janice and my husband, once he reads it. What spoke to me from the book on Saturday evening though, while reading the above comment, was to step outside of myself and view the message from the other's point of view.  

I recognize that my style and my openness is offensive to some.

I recognize that I make mistakes.

I recognize that my blog is a selfish outlet.

I recognize that what I post on my blog is always the truth as I know the truth to be.

I recognize that I am not afraid for any part of my life to be shown to the world and this is a comfort to me.

I recognize that my blog is therapy for me and it gives me hope-

hope that my willingness to bar my soul  lets others know we are all in this world together. 

I recognize that secrets said out loud lose their power over you. 

I recognize we all have our dreams that will be fulfilled and others that will not. We all have our challenges and ways we deal with them. 

The question that came to my mind, during fleeting moments of time, since reading this latest thought provoking comment was this:

What kind of mother would post so openly?

And then the question ,what kind of human would post so openly?

A mother that always tried but did not succeed at teaching her child right from wrong.

A mother that always tried but did not succeed at making her child be responsible for her actions.

A mother who wanted to, but did not always do so, show compassion and love.

A mother who mourns for a chance to do it all over again, if she could only figure out what she could change that would make a difference in her child's life.

A mother that knows she has not a clue how to help her daughter or what could be done differently if she could do it all over again BECAUSE you see....

As a human, I have come to understand regardless of how hard one tries to know the best thing to do at all times one will sometimes fall short.

As a human we will not always have understanding.

As a human we will wish we could change others and quite often wish we were better at changing ourselves.

As a human we will want and sometimes get our wants and other times not.

As a human we will all have different beliefs and understandings.

As a human we will all use our opportunities in different ways.

As a human we will have differences but despite those differences it is my hope that we will remember to be humane.

  

Some Happy Pictures

Yesterday's Photo of the Hammock

One of the darling critters that has been making nests with the strings!

New boat that is now hooked up to the truck for it's first fishing trip early tomorrow morning.

Chandler at his golf tournament on Thursday

Chandler in front of the score board after the tournament.

A drama filled day today but that story will come later. For now smiling at the happy in the above pictures.

If Only Amber's Life Remained This Sweet and Innocent

I was lucky enough to have my camera in my hand about 35 years ago.

 -- If Only--

About eleven thirty yesterday, Ria called to let me know Amber had been released from jail on her own recognisance . Unbelievable, just unbelieveable  after what the detective had told us the day before. Now understand, the warrants were issued due to her failure to appear for the charges earlier. Why waste the police's time having her arrested if she is not even going to be required to post bail? The detective had said the judge would not release her since these warrants were already because of failure to appear. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh----     Well, it should not be long before the felony summons turns into a warrant. Randy and I checked the mailbox yesterday to see if she had picked up any mail and she had not.  It is so frustrating but we are patient. As long as Chandler is safe and she is not threatening to take him we can patiently wait. Today it has been two weeks since she called him that day in the car. He appears to be doing fine but I know all too well he has got to have some pent up emotions. We cannot get him counseling until we have custody. 

Last night we watched the movie, The Curious Life of Benjamin Button. Gave me an excuse to cry my eyes out. 

In just a minute we are going to look at a fishing boat advertised in the paper. I hope it is a good one, for these boys of mine, and gives me an excuse to smile broadly. I will let you know!