Sunday, August 23, 2009

I Get By With A LIttle Help From My Friends and My Counselor

Two steps forward and one step back---at least it means I am still moving forward.
Counseling on Friday was very helpful, as usual. This time around the block with Amber's choices of destruction has been much more difficult than the teenage years. When she was young there was just her. Now there is this grandchild and his other mother. Much more complex and complicated. Randy and I have not always been on the same page in how to handle situations. I think you might have gathered this from time to time --- what with the anniversary flowers being left in the sink. Well.... not that things are totally solved ( are they ever?! Smile )but I do get by with a little help from my friends and this time in particular from my counselor.
It is amazing what an other's trained in site can show one and also amazing what a little praise can do for one's attitude and getting things into perspective. Our life is indeed complex with what is involved. And yes, it has been very difficult with choices being made for Randy to stay true to himself and for me to stay true to myself and stay true to our union as husband and wife. At the end of our session, our dear counselor quietly told us we were to be commended for always in the past doing everything in our power to get it right and going above and beyond the call of duty in dealing with our issues. He reminded us of this and brought my focus back to the center of where it needed to be. Yes, it takes compromises on my part and yes, compromises on my husband's part but it does feel good to know we are both committed to each other and OUR relationship. 
If you are in the Phoenix, AZ area, his name is Gordon Cuddeby and I highly recommend him. 

The above was the two steps forward.

On Friday afternoon, as we were heading to the show when Maria called to let us know she had gotten a call from the clerk at the court. The clerk had heard over the police radio that Amber had been picked up in Showlow. Showlow and Pinetop are towns that are side by side. Showlow was the place the DUI took place. Since it is the weekend, there are no other details to be had.

The below is my one step backwards.

While I was in Florida, at some point, I had a message from Maria telling me she had a question. There was not an indication or an urgency in her voice that this question was pressing.
Upon returning home Randy told me Maria was having a garage sale to sell some of the large items belonging to Amber which were in the garage. It seems the 60 days had expired for Amber to get her things so all of Amber's things now belong to Maria. Some time ago Maria had told me she was not going to immediately sell Amber's things. When I left town I did not know the plan had changed. Randy and Elaine, Maria's mother, told me Maria needed my help in pricing some of the things that were vintage items for a future garage sale. When we got out of the show I called her and left her a message saying I would help her with this when I returned.
Saturday morning Maria called concerning some of Amber's things wanting to know how to price them. People were there waiting for prices. The things she called about were not the large items that Randy had been told were being sold. They were smalls and things I had not been given a chance to go through and decide what I would want to keep myself or give my friends the opportunity to buy before they were sold in a yard sale to the general public. I have been the strongest link, of the family group, when dealing with Amber and making her be responsible for her actions. This in no way however makes it easy for me to have her life items---many of which were bought for her by me---sold before I could be involved. Randy told me again he had thought it was only big items that Maria knew we did not want that was being sold yesterday. I shared my hurt with Maria yesterday morning on the phone and she told me she had to go. I in no way think Maria would be hurtful to me on purpose. I do however think it was insensitive to take this course of action before I returned. I am hoping to take another two steps forward soon. This path is slow moving as stones tend to get thrown along the path. Gratefully I know they are nothing that can not be stepped over-
As I said earlier-- I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends and My Counselor

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