Saturday, April 18, 2009

Saturdays Chronicle

  I had an email from a friend that expressed my feelings about my mom's death perfectly-
She said she was glad my mom had left that body and was on to other things.
Lovely, just lovely.

Yesterday I got the cottage cleaned , well, to my standards, not my mother's. I must admit though I did do a little extra--like vacuuming under all the sofa cushions. 

Last night I went to bed very late. I started reading the book, Ninety Minutes In Heaven. I had bought it weeks ago when a cousin told me about it after the death of her husband. So far it is very interesting. I will update you on what I think as I read further.

Today I plan to groom myself and then off to the studio. I need to put away lots of stuff and then I am planning to create something. I have an idea in my head and am looking forward to playing. 

I am struggling once again with my daughter. In her teenage years, when we were involved with Tough Love, there was a book I read and one of the questions was,  If you would not allow a stranger to treat you in such a manner why would you allow a relative? I think the hardest time I am having with the whole of the matter is just knowing I have never really known who she is. I think my mother's death has added to the sadness of letting my daughter go and be who she wants to be. She has always professed to be so close to her grandmother but as the saying goes, Actions speak louder than words. I have no desire to contact her and have no intention of doing so. I do not want to be a part of her life, in any way,  at the moment. The hard part is being forced to be involved, at some degree, because of Chandler. As I wrote to a friend, it is always in the crevices, even when it is not in the front of my brain.

Well, my brain needs a bath, as does my body, so it is off to do the grooming thing so I can get into that studio and create some happiness!

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