Sunday, July 12, 2009

Bringing You Up To Date

Yesterday, 7/11 was our anniversary. My husband,upon returning from getting sanders from Home Depot, for the sanding of our deck, came in the bathroom and gave me the below card and flowers ( scroll on down ) and told me Happy Anniversary.
I, not too enthusiastically, said Thank You and placed the unopened card flat on the dresser, left the flowers in the bathroom  sink, with no water and left the room. I went upstairs to work in my studio.
What prompted this action on my part?
Day before yesterday at the end of my post I told you there were developments still in the making. Those of you that read my blog regularly know that Maria and Randy earlier on wanted to give Amber cash. I was adamantly opposed.
Back to day before yesterday-
Recall Maria had allowed Amber to spend the night at the house
I won't go into all of my ranting and raving again---- but I will tell you ,which I left out of that post, another telling conversation with Maria. On the phone she told us ( we have a speaker phone ) she thought if we gave Amber the money she would leave everyone alone and she would give Maria custody. Oh My.
Well, Randy was as upset as I was but he got it in his head to just go over there, give Amber $1500. tell her never to call us again, and to tell Maria we were done parenting. If she was involving Amber in such a way, getting custody of Chandler was her responsibility and until she did so  we were going to be just grandparents. When she got custody to let us know and we would readdress our role in the matter.
Well, that is just what he did. He went over there, laid  $1,500. cash  on the table, gave  his short little speech and he left. He came home, made a rum and coke and went out on the porch to tell me what he had done. He felt better.
Well, guess what

A good night's rest and I felt the same-thus the flowers left in the sink and the card unopened.

Later in the day, when he had gone to return the  floor sanders since they were overheating, I came down to get a bottle of water. There on the kitchen counter were the flowers placed in the vintage pitcher. He had taken care of them. He had propped my card up in the bathroom, as you see it in the picture. I have to admit it did touch my heart. He really is a dear. I still, though, was reeling with the ??? I need a vocabulary word here! 
So upset that he just handed Amber $1500. cash and he actually is thinking she will never call us again. Not to mention my thoughts about our Chandler----Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh---

All day I worked in my studio.
Mell, one of the friends in the  picture of everyone at The Orchard called to see if Randy wanted to go fishing in the morning. Mell and his wife Tara had just arrived at Maria and Chandlers. Randy, Chandler and Mell are fishing pals. Honestly, if Mell could he would live on the boat. I could overhear them making their plans and I was somewhat relieved that Randy would be with Chandler this morning. Randy had not seen him the day before when he had marched over to their house.

Fast forward to early evening.

I came down from the studio and decided to talk. It is the way I often handle anger. I stew and brew in my head until I am ready to deal. If one looks closely, when I am in one of these states, I am pretty sure one could see smoke rising from the pores in my head. Picture one of the old fashioned caps for hair frosting. Picture smoke coming out of every single, little hole! 

Randy brought around two of the outside chairs to the deck. They have been moved, of course, for the sanding. With happy hour drinks in hand we sit. We sit. We sit. We sit. We sit.
We sort of talk.
We start out with him telling me about the fishing trip in the morning.
He then tells me when he took the sanders back, he stopped by Maria's to take paint cloths back to her and to get his drill. Maria's dad had borrowed it while up here helping out with the house.
Randy proceeded to tell me Amber was still at the house. 
Maria told Randy Amber is really sick and she has hit rock bottom.
Yeah, well sure---
Randy, once again told  Maria Amber is still the same person she was and what does she think this is doing to Chandler?
Not a thing, is Maria's reply, Chandler is fine., 
Maria told Randy, Amber and she are going to pitch in together and buy Chandler a new Wii.
Randy told her it didn't sound very smart to him since neither of them have the funds to be buying a Wii.
Ugh, excuse me, Amber is homeless.
Ugh, excuse me. what happened to Maria ?
Did she ever really have any good sense?
Amazing, Amazing, Amazing.
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.
Sorry, Sorry, Sorry,
I guess a lot of people grow up just fine being raised by stupid people. 
I don't know. 
It worries me a GREAT deal for Chandler.
Seems to me we need to be the ones trying to get custody of this child--
the results of us raising Amber certainly don't speak very highly for our parenting skills

( Amber made some early on choices that actually caused the system, and the streets, to do most of her raising during her teenage years---and before she was eight years old, Randy was not around so he cannot be blamed for any of her plight.)

my husband and I are not on the same page.
He wants so badly to just be a grandparent and not a parent.
I want the same as he but feel like Chandler needs more--
I want so badly to know the best thing  for---
for who?
I would say Chandler but I love my husband too.

I think I can honestly say we are both distraught over this whole affair but it is not because of the absence of our daughter.

Well, the two guys I love are fishing together right this minute and that is a good thing.

Yesterday, early in the morning, the sanding of our deck began. Randy rented two upright sanders to be used. After overheating several times they were returned to Home Depot. The workers asked him to rent Drum sanders but Randy was told Drum sanders are for hard wood and they would tear our deck to pieces.  All of this means that the deck is being sanded with hand sanders which require being on one's knees or bending over. Not the kind of work I would want to be doing. Our worker bees are worker bees though. Eight hours of labor produced almost half the deck being done. The balcony I am sitting on, as I type this, must still be sanded and all of the steps--- 

Still to be Done
Completed part of Sanding

Thought you might like a glimpse at some of the newly painted rooms in Chandler's house. Paint can do wonders to wipe out ugly. Too bad it can't cover up  scars of the heart. 

Last Wednesday night we gathered at the Orchard for my favorite summertime place to eat and drink.

The Orchard showing it's Patriotic Colors
Great Live Entertainment Starts at Five on Wednesday's
The sweet dogie stayed right at their feet.
Our Personal Group Enjoying The Perfect Outside Conditions

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